Oh, the Irony
by Calliope Muse
Summary: "Seeing as my mission was complete, I made a beeline for the food. There was some delectable chocolate cake earlier, and I hadn't gotten nearly enough of it." Sequel to "Oh, the Madness" NicoxOC OCxOC
1. Moronic Decisions

**I'm back! *grins evilly* Well, I know you guys have been waiting for this. I decided to try working two stories at once, so updates will probably not be as often as they were for this story. But this is the sequel to Oh, the Madness. So I think you might be willing to forgive me.**

**Enjoy. :)**

_**Marley Kromer, daughter of Dionysus**_

I hate shadow traveling. With a very deep, heated passion. It really just doesn't cope well with me. We travel through a very creepy, disturbing, and scary black void. Little fragments of shadow seem to claw at you, and make you go ice cold. Not to mention that it feels like you are falling at a hundred miles per hour. It sucks big-time.

I clamped my eyes shut, and kept them shut, for fear I'd see something I'd regret.

"Ouch! Jeez, Marley, let go of my hand! It's going numb." I barley opened my eyes, just enough to be able to peek through my eye lashes. Lexa was trying to pry my fingers off of her hand. I immediately let go, opening my eyes all the way now.

"I really hate shadow traveling," I muttered. That's when I took in my surroundings. We were in an alley that broke off a main road, but there was hardly any traffic. That was odd, considering that it was the middle of the day and I guessed this would be a busier part of wherever we were. It was warm, but despite that, I shivered. I guessed we were close to the Underworld. Very close.

"I agree," Noah stated. He was pale, and he looked like he was about to throw up. I smiled half-heartedly. "Never again. Never."

"It's not that bad," Lexa insisted. "You guys are just wussies."

"Says the child of gloom and misery, herself," Noah said, ruffling her hair. Lexa turned bright red. "So, where are we?"

"California," Lexa said tiredly. "Go through the doors of the DOA Studios building. When you get to the front desk, I suggest that you bribe Charon or threaten him. One or the other will work."

"And if it doesn't?"

"Then our journey was a waste of time, effort, and my energy. Now go," she said with a shooing motion.

"Aren't you coming with us?" Noah asked.

"No. My talons might grow back in and then the next thing I know, I'll be sprouting claws and wings and a tail." Noah looked hopelessly confused.

"Don't even ask," I told him, standing. I brushed dirt off of my shorts. "C'mon, let's go."

I grabbed his wrist in a way that Piper might be proud of me and dragged him after me. When we came to the entrance of the alley, my earlier thought was confirmed. No traffic whatsoever. At all. Zilch. I didn't think it was normal, because it looked as though it should be one of the busiest streets in whatever city we were in.

Noah turned left, and I followed suit. He seemed to know exactly where he was going, like he'd been here before. I didn't stray far behind him, knowing that some big, nasty monster could strike at any minute and that I would never be able to fight it off, especially given that I'm a weaponless wimp. Lexa beat me in, like, four seconds flat earlier. With a foam sword, no less.

The deserted streets were a little unnerving. In Lexington, the streets were never empty, not even at three in the morning. I guess it really spooked me that even mortals knew to stay away from here, given that the Mist covered it all up.

"Marley, c'mon!" I jerked out of my thoughts, only to realize that Noah had just gone through a revolving glass door. I followed. Normally I would have loved going through one of these things. I mean, it's a revolving door! One of two types of doors that you can't slam and very fun to spin in for hours on end.

But… I guess this feeling came over me. Depression and despair. It was sad and angry and frustrated and anxious. It made me dizzy, so I went straight through. And I wanted to go right back out.

The lobby of DOA Studios was jam packed with ghosts. Ghosts of little kids and old people and newly weds and tourists. None of them smiled. None of them talked. It was like they didn't even know where they were, that they were even dead. Like they didn't know I was there with them. I tried pushing past them, but they were ghosts, so that was kind of pointless.

I walked right through them with goosebumps rising to my skin. Noah was at the front desk, tapping on some guy's shoulder from behind.

The man turned, and I realized that it was the man who was trying to ferry Lexa over the River Styx. Except he wasn't wearing his dismal black robes anymore, but a very expensive looking suit.

He looked friendly, that is, until he saw us. "Not more of you," he spat, rolling his eyes. He turned back to what he was doing.

"Mother won't be very happy that you didn't let us in," Noah told him. The freaky dude cast him an annoyed glance. "She might turn you into a dandelion for a few years… think, the dead could get in for free."

"You wouldn't," Charon said, turning back to face us. "You're bluffing."  
"I only wish I were," he responded. Charon narrowed his eyes, then huffed.

"Fine, but not a word of my resistance to your mother."

"Deal," Noah said.

Charon ushered us hastily into a small elevator, where more ghosts stood, er, floated? Whatever. I stayed close to Noah.

"Do you think it was a good idea to leave Lexa all by herself?" I asked.

"It's Lexa. She'll be fine, I'm sure," Noah said, keeping his gaze straight ahead.

"But she's only ten…"

"Ten?"

"It surprised me, too." We didn't say much after that. I hadn't ever spent that much time with Noah. All I knew was that his dad was dead and he liked painting flowers.

At one point, I blinked, and I wasn't on an elevator anymore. Instead, we were on a wooden ferry, and Charon was back in his black robes. We were floating in the middle of the River Styx. The water was murky, with the forgotten hopes and dreams of mortals polluting it.

The feeling of despair intensified as the ferry came closer to the shore. I shivered a little. The ghosts were starting to become restless. I wanted the ride to be over. I wanted to be back home, with mom and aunt Alice, watching a movie and eating ice cream. But it was too late to turn back, now. We were getting closer and closer. Twenty feet. Ten feet. Five. I scrambled off the ferry so fast that I'm sure it looked like I had super powers.

Abruptly, the dreadful feeling was gone. I let out a breath that I hadn't known I was holding.

"You okay?" Noah asked, standing next to me.

"Fine," I said. I looked around me. "Do you know where we're going?"

"Yup. I've visited mom before. So have Piper and Callie. She's an amazing person."

"I'll bet," I said, wishing I still had my mom.

"Let's go," he said, taking off in the direction of a three headed dog that went by the name of Cerberus, but Piper and I preferred to call him Fluffy. He guarded three arches. One read "Ez Death", and lead to what looked like an open air pavilion. Another lead to the Fields of Asphodel, and the third lead to Hades' palace.

Noah stopped about ten feet in front of Cerberus with a grimace on his face.

"Styx," he muttered. "I forgot that I always let Piper and Callie handle the dog…"

"So why don't you handle it?" I asked, feeling pretty intimidated by the dog's size. He was freaking huge.

"I'm afraid of dogs," he confessed. He trembled as the dog's middle head lowered so it was eye level with us. It sniffed me, giving the lowest of growls, then moved toward Noah, sniffing him a couple of times.

And then the dog perked up it's ears, all six of them, and got this playful glint in all six of it's eyes. It started wagging it's massive tail. I was dumbstruck. Was this really happening?

"Pat it's head or something," I said, elbowing Noah's ribs. He nodded shakily.

"Good boys," he said, reaching his hand out slowly, warily. He stroked Fluffy's nose a few times.

"How do we get past it?" I asked after a minute. "We don't have a lot of time."

"Go look in those bushes, over there," he instructed, his voice tight. I did as told to find a big, blue, rubber ball. "Hurry up and bring it over here!"

"Okay, now what? Are we going to play fetch with it?"

"Just wave it in front of him for a second, then throw it that way," he said, jerking a thumb in the direction of which we'd come.

I raised the ball as high as I could and waved it around. "Hey, Cerberus! Over here, boy! Look at the ball!" All three heads turned away from Noah, who sighed with relief, and towards me. "Go fetch, boy!" I threw the ball, but it didn't go even five feet. This is where being a soccer player was a good thing. I set up and ran the few steps, kicking it as hard as I could. The ball went flying, and Cerberus went after it.

"Quickly, let's go," Noah said, grabbing my arm and pulling me through the arch that lead to the big, scary, black castle of doom.

Before long, we had mounted the many, many, many stairs that lead to the front door. I was about to fall over dead. My calves and hamstrings ached and throbbed with every step I took. I thought I needed a wheelchair.

"So now what?" I asked. "Do we ring the doorbell and hope they're home?"

"Of course not," Noah said, dismissing that idea as if it were obvious what we were supposed to do. "We just walk in and ask the servants to take us to my mom." And so we did. We followed a skeleton servant down many corridors until it opened a big, heavy, wooden door. It ushered us in, closing the door behind us.

"Piper, you can do better than that! Callie, watch out!" a woman shouted, jumping up and down. She was beautiful, with long, curly brown hair that came to her waste and blue-green eyes that shined with excitement. She was like an older version of Piper and Callie. This had to be Persephone, queen of the Underworld.

"Oh, Noah! Good thing you're here! I need you to cheer for one of your sisters. It's terribly difficult cheering for both of them when they are on opposing sides," she said. She sounded like one of the soccer moms back in Lexington. I found that I liked her. She may have been a goddess, but she had an air about her that was real, like she would personally get to know you.

"Hi, mom," Noah said. "Hmm… who to choose? Who to choose?"

"Pick me! Right here, Noah! Pick me! Pick me!" Piper shouted. That's when I noticed that she and Callie were sitting on the floor, playing some video game. "I'm obviously the better Pokemon trainer and will inevitably win this battle."

"Wrong!" Callie said. "I will win! I'm older and more experienced and I have better Pokemon than you!"

"By two minutes! And I so have the better Pokemon. I have Jiggly Puff!"

"Eenie Meenie Miny Mo always works," Persephone suggested. She was smiling at her children adoringly. I took a few steps back, running into the wall.

"Eenie meenie miny mo, catch a tiger by the toe, if he hollers, let him go, my momma told me to pick the very best one and you are it!" Noah recited, wagging his finger back and forth until it landed on Callie.

"VICTORIOUS!" Callie shouted. Piper shrugged.

"Well, now I have a goddess on my team." She grinned.

I felt a tapping on my shoulder. I turned, then nearly jumped ten feet in the air. Nico was right next to me. And he was livid.

"What are you doing here? I told you to stay at Piper's house!"

"I didn't listen. Besides, I came with Noah."

"That's not the point! There was a reason I wanted you to stay out of the Underworld!"

"And what would that be?"

"Do you remember the prophecy?"

"Yeah…"

" _'Bring her back safe and sound, and suffer no consequence or eternal wound.' _My dad is here in the Underworld, Marley. He knows that Lexa isn't completely demigod anymore. You are going to suffer some consequence, and by coming here, you just brought yourself closer to that punishment."

Oh, gods, I thought. I'm an idiot.

"You didn't think about it, did you?" he snapped.

I felt physically sick from the blow of the news. My head was spinning the tiniest bit. I slid down the wall I was leaning on so that I sat on the black marble floor, putting my head between my knees.

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice quiet. How could I be so stupid? Of course there were probably about twenty gods that wanted to punish or permanently maim me, and the one that happened to want to punish me most was somewhere in this palace, waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce on me.

"You should be," he said, but he didn't sound mad anymore. He sat next to me. "Look, I'm sorry for being so mean, but I meant it when I said that you couldn't come. And now that you're here, you won't likely be able to leave until you see my dad."

"Doesn't anyone ever pity the demigods?"

"Of course they do. But they can't always help us. There are ancient laws that forbid them to directly interfere with quests."

I buried my face into my lap. "I'm so stupid," I mumbled.

"Kind of," Nico said, earning himself a punch in the shoulder from yours truly. "I was kidding," he said, rubbing the place where I'd hit him. "Where did you learn to punch that hard?"

"Public school."

"I should have known," he replied.

**O o**

**V**

**So, whadaya think? It's not as good as it could be, I know. I'm a bit out of practice, but I think it's somewhat decent, if I do say so myself. :) **

**So, title is up for change. If you have ideas, please inform me of them. I'm a wee bit (and when I say that I mean REALLY) desperate for your help. **

**Um… I have another story up, too, if you would check that out. It's called Mortal Wars, and I would appreciate some advice on that story as well. **

**Love you guys, and you know what comes next…**

**My Happy Place is right…**

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**AQUI!!!**


	2. Crazy Goddesses

**Okay, its been forever since I last updated. I deserve to be thrown into the habitat for giant mutated spiders. BUT, I don't think you will, for if you did, I'd be gone, and then there would be nobody to finish this story. Besides Banana Smoothie, but honestly, I don't think she could make Piper as magnificent as I do, so you are stuck with me. :)**

**Here goes!**

_**Nico di Angelo, son of Hades**_

If Marley lives past her punishment, I might just kill her myself. She has got to realize just how stupid she was for coming here. I mean, she failed in her quest, and now Daddy Dearest was probably out for the kill. Who knows what kind of torture he'd make her go through.

Maybe he'd curse her so that she'd tell the truth but nobody would ever believe her, or maybe he'd make her listen to the records Chiron had in his room at camp. Or worse: he would make her watch paint dry! The worst punishment for someone with ADHD.

The point is that I needed to get her out of here before dad knew about her.

"I'm really sorry," she said, twirling her fingers through the charcoal colored hair of her ponytail.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you disobey me."

"Disobey you? You aren't the boss of me."

"I'm eighty five years old, thank you very much. You can at least respect your elders," I said, failing to keep a straight face. Marley laughed.

"So, grandpa, what did I miss?"

I grimaced. Did she really need to know? She'd only make fun of me for it… "Persephone turned me into a dandelion. Again."

"What did you do?"

"Well, let's see, I've corrupted the minds of her children just by breathing the same air as they do, and then I had a 'displeasing disposition', whatever that means," I grumbled.

"Your stepmother sounds lovely," she said sarcastically, glancing back over to Persephone and her children. "She doesn't seem like a goddess at all. She's real…"

I nodded, because why on earth would I disagree with a female? What were females good for anyway? If you asked me, Persephone was a demon. If there was one, tiny little characteristic about you that didn't please her, she hated your guts.

"Nico." I looked up from where I was seated on the floor. And I'm pretty sure my eyes bugged completely out of my sockets, too.

Standing in front of me, in all his creepiness and eternal glory or whatever, was Hades. His hair black and his eyes shined black. He was dressed in a black jeans and a red button down shirt.

"Hi, dad." I'll admit it. I'm a wee bit scared of him. Especially when he's towering some forty feet above my head.

"I presume that this young lady is Miss Kromer?"

"Yes, sir," Marley said, standing up. She looked at him straight in the eyes and pulled off a look of pure politeness and innocence. That girl could act very well, and it made sense, seeing as Dionysus was the patron of Greek theatre.

"I must speak with you," he said, so I stood up to go with them. He glanced in my direction. "Alone."

Marley stopped short, giving me a questioning glance. I pressed my lips in a tight line. I knew that this would be coming. "Go on," I told her. "I'll wait for you."

She nodded, following Hades hesitantly out of the room and across the hall, where his office was. I watched them disappear behind the door, praying to any and every god that my dad would kill her or torture her in some cruel and unusual way.

"Boy!" I cringed. I didn't really enjoy being the subject of Persephone's attention. It usually ended in me becoming some sort of detestable plant until Piper could figure out how to change me back (Which was sometimes longer than actually necessary, seeing as Piper is, well, Piper).

"Yes?" I asked, trying to be as polite as possible.

"Where did that other girl go? The one you were flirting with?" I felt my ears turn red, and I could hear Piper giggling.

"I wasn't flirting with her. She went to go talk with dad, though. They're just across the hall."

"I see."

"Mom?" Callie asked, setting her videogame controller on the floor. "I need to leave soon. Artemis said I had to join the rest of the Hunters tonight for dinner. Some welcoming thing."

"Of course. You show them what you're made of, kiddo," Persephone said, leaning in to hug her daughter, who was now an immortal being that would go off and kill monsters and whatnot.

I was a little sad at learning she was a Hunter now. Bianca had become a Hunter, and now she was dead. I could only hope that Callie wouldn't die like my sister. I could empathize with Piper, though. Losing someone to the Hunter's was hard, like someone had suddenly chopped off one of your legs. Sort of.

Piper stood next to Noah, her shoulders drooping just a little as she watched her sister leave, her eyes shining with unshed tears. Noah looked sad too. But he looked a little more stable. He wrapped an arm around Piper's shoulders and whispered in her ear. Piper nodded.

"Where's Marley?" she asked, having not heard when I told Persephone.

"She's talking with dad." I _really _just wanted to barge in there, get Marley, and leave before any thing else happened. Having my friends in the Underworld had put me a little on edge.

"That's not good. I hope she's okay," she said, looking a little anxious.

"Why is that so bad?" Noah asked. "I mean, yeah, your dad is scary and all, but what's the big deal?"

"He might be giving her an 'eternal consequence or eternal wound'," I said bitterly. Piper then explained about Lexa not being entirely saved from becoming a soulless monster.

"She'll be fine," Persephone said quietly. I jumped. I had almost forgotten that she was still there.

"How do you know?" I asked.

Persephone grinned. "I think she reminds him a little of Bianca. He likes her. I doubt he'll hurt her." I don't see how Bianca and Marley could even be compared to each other. Bianca was quiet and gentle, and Marley was loud and had a negative attitude a lot of the time. Bianca hated reading and Marley couldn't stop, despite her dyslexia. They were two completely different people. But they both stood up for what they thought was right and weren't afraid to speak their minds, so I guess they were the same in that way. Whatever. I still didn't see Persephone's logic. _Crazy goddess…_

I heard laughing from across the hall. I peeked through the doorway to see Marley grinning as Hades held the door open for her.

"I approve of your girlfriend, son," he said. I could feel my ears turn red again. Marley's cheeks were bright crimson.

"She's not my girlfriend, dad," I said.

"That's too bad," he replied, looking genuinely disappointed.

"C'mon," I said, deliberately not looking at Marley. "Let's go find Lexa."

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"Where is she?" Noah asked. We stood at the end of the alley where Marley and Noah swore up and down they had left my little sister in. If she was kidnapped by some pedophile, I swear to gods, they were going to pay.

"Um, guys?" Piper said.

"Not now, Piper," I said testily. "We need to find Lexa."

"Guys, I think I found her." I turned away from the extremely smelly dumpster I was searching through to look at her, breathing in a lungful of air that didn't smell of moldy socks and whatnot.

"Where, then?" I asked. She pointed across the street to the all too familiar _Crusty's Water Bed Palace._ "Oh, gods, no." I ran without bothering to look both ways before crossing the street. I yanked the glass doors open to see Procrustes, known as Crusty, the mortal manager of the store, standing next to a water bed, with Lexa tied down to it with ropes.

"Let me go, you freakin' whack job!" she shouted, struggling to loosen the ropes' hold on her limbs.

"Procrustes, let her go. Now," I commanded. He looked up at me.

"Hello, Mr. di Angelo. Can I interest you in the purchase of a water bed?" he asked, smiling.

I growled. "_Ergo!_" I shouted, snapping my fingers. Thank the gods, I had actually listened to Percy when he told of this part of his adventure.

The ropes retreated, releasing Lexa, who immediately sat up and scrambled away from Crusty. I unsheathed my sword and lunged at him. He jumped out of the way at the last second, leaving me to run my sword through a mattress. Water gushed through the hole, making the tiled floor slippery. I did my best to run and not fall on my butt to get closer to the stupid monster.

"That's going to be twenty-two hundred dollars, Mr. di Angelo, and that doesn't include sales tax. I do hope you have that much money," Crusty taunted. What he didn't know was that I had been discretely trapping him in the corner of the room. I charged, stabbing him in the middle of his chest. He disintegrated into a pile of yellow dust.

I plopped down on one of the other mattresses on display, breathing hard. "Lexa are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

"I'm fine." I was mildly surprised she didn't have some witty retort to throw back at me.

"Nico?" I turned toward the door. Marley was staring at me, like I was a flying pig that spoke Mandarin Chinese. Noah and Piper stood behind her.

"What?" She frowned.

"How are we getting back to camp?" she asked. Somehow, I didn't think that was what she originally wanted to ask.

"We'll get the Grey Sisters."

**Wow. That was really short, but considering that I've had a major case of writers' block, I'm proud of myself. So, I think this story will mostly focus on Piper, but there will be some Nico/Marley. I won't disappoint you in that field. :) **

**So, I'm curious. Callie will probably be a minor character from now on. Do ya'll want to see her come back in the end? **

**Oh, and I need ideas for a plot. Desperately. **

**The title will not change after all, so Hakuna Matata to that. **

**You guys want to know what makes me really, REALLY happy? Poptarts! And Reviews. Both are acceptable. :)**

**Insert Poptarts (preferably brown sugar and cinnamon flavor) right…**

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**HERE!!!**


	3. Hakuna Matata To That

**You guys are so completely and utterly awesome. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. :) Still in need of a plot, but I have a few ideas to get me through a few chapters. Seriously, though, I need your help.**

**On that happy note, here's the chapter!**

_**Piper Owens, daughter of Persephone, Ultimate Queen of Narnia, Peppermint Milkshake Fanatic**_

Nico looked tired. Exhausted, actually. I mean, yes, he _did _just kill Procrustes, the little turd, but Procrustes wasn't exactly that hard to kill, either. Even I, Piper, the scaredy cat, could have taken that thing out without breaking a sweat.

Perhaps it was the fact that Marley had clearly followed us here after bribing Lexa (how the Hades do you even _do _that?), even when we told her that she couldn't. Stupid Marley. Remind me to kick her butt later.

It could also be the fact that these are very stressing times. There's a war in Iraq, our economy is going to Tartarus, and hobos can't afford cable. Very stressing times, indeed. But I doubt Nico cares about any of those things. I'd have to teach him to be a little more caring to current events.

"The Grey Sisters?" Marley asked, confused. "Who are they?"

"Our ride back to camp," Nico said. I personally didn't want to drive in the back seat of a taxi with four other people while three angst ridden women fighting over a tooth and an eyeball drove us across the country in a matter of a few minutes. They'd be breaking quite a few traffic laws, I'd imagine. I was NOT going to be arrested by the police for speeding. Even if I am only thirteen. And don't have a license. And not going to be behind the wheel at any point… Whatever.

"Need a drachma?" Noah asked. I elbowed him in the ribs. "Ow! What?"

"Galleons," I said simply. "Get it right." I turned to Marley, grabbing her hand and pulling her along as I waltzed back out to the street. I could practically hear the eye rolls directed at my immaturity.

Nico and Noah followed us out, with Lexa following at their heels. Nico tossed the fat golden coin into the street. But, instead of clattering to the ground like one might expect, it sank right through the concrete.

"Wha- How? Huh?" Marley gaped at it, more confused by it than the whole Greek-myths-aren't-myths ordeal. I concurred. Breaking the laws of physics could be quite confusing.

"Just wait," Nico said, standing beside her. Poor Marley. She was so helplessly confused.

Then, a big, grey cab was at the curb, like it had popped out of thin air. Nico opened the door, ushering us inside. Lexa and Noah went in first, followed by me, Then Marley, and finally Nico, who squeezed his fat little behind in the car regardless of whether or not there was room enough to sit. After some pushing and shoving and rearranging, I found myself sitting on Noah's lap, with Lexa smooshed into one door and Marley and Nico smooshed into the other.

"Where to?" asked one of the three hideous women in the front seat. She obviously had the tooth.

"Five to Camp Half-Blood," Nico stated, tensing up a little. I prepared myself for the horrifying ride, too. I'd heard way too many rumors about motion sickness on rides from these people to not take precautions. I was about to say something to Marley, but we were already moving at the speed of light, or something like that.

"Give me the eye, Wasp!"

"You had the eye last time, Tempest! It's my turn!"

"Give _me_ the eye! I'm the one driving!"

I laughed. This ride wasn't so bad. It was like a roller coaster, only life threatening. Hakuna Matata to that.

"Give it!"

"Anger, you have the tooth!"

"Then I'll trade!" Lexa, looking positively green and her patience wearing thin, plucked the eyeball from Wasp's face, handing it to Anger.

"Thank you, dear!"

I looked out the window. The landscape went by in a blur, we were going so fast. And then we stopped. No, 'halted' would be a better term, because we stopped so suddenly, that had Noah not suddenly wrapped an arm around my waist, I'd have smashed through the windshield. Oh, you gotta love Newton's first law of motion: an object at rest will stay at rest and an object in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. I grinned, silently thanking Mrs. Griffin, my seventh grade science teacher, for her wonderful lessons on the laws of motion.

I heard the doors opening on both sides of the backseat, so I crawled out the side Lexa was on, followed by my brother.

"Oh, come on!" I heard Nico shout from the other side. I ran around the back of the cab to find Nico looking absolutely foul. Marley sat at his feet, clutching her head. Nico's shoes were _drenched_ in puke.

Marley looked pale, and she coughed and heaved. She looked dreadfully sick. I frowned.

"Where are we?" Lexa asked, wobbling over. She didn't look much better than Marley.

"Not at camp," Noah deduced, catching Lexa's arm just as she was about to fall over. Hmm… neither he nor I had been affected by that crazy ride. Even Nico, beastly beast that he is, looked a bit light-headed.

"Wasp! Tempest, Anger! Where are we? Why aren't we at camp?" Nico asked angrily. He glared at the women, who were still bickering.

Wasp turned away from the argument, glancing at the dashboard briefly before answering. "Out of gas. Sorry for the inconvenience. Your ride is free of charge."

"What? You can't leave us here!" Lexa exclaimed, looking a tad bit better now that she was back to her usual complaining. "We don't even know where we are!"

"Find a newspaper," Anger suggested.

"We really must be going now," Tempest said. "Farewell, halfbloods." And then the grey cab dissolved into thin air.

Nico made a really unattractive noise before cursing up a storm in Ancient Greek. I won't even translate, because it is too much profanity for ears such as yours. But I did agree with him.

How the heck were we supposed to find a newspaper? We were in the middle of a long stretch of rural country road. Fields were on both sides of the road, with white picket fences running parallel to it.

"What do we do?" I asked. I was stumped.

"I don't know!" Nico shouted.

"Nico, please shut up." Marley was still on the ground, now starting to look really sick. Absolutely dreadful.

Nico seemed to calm down a little at her words. "You okay?" he asked.

"No," she managed to say before clapping her hand to her mouth. Not that it did anything, though, because puke still managed to find its way out of her mouth. She grimaced.

Nico knelt down beside her, using the sleeve of his jacket to wipe the puke off her face. "And who said chivalry was out of style?" I muttered.

"What was that?" Nico asked.

"Nothing. Just talking to my imaginary friend, Gilbert. He's a giraffe." Nico stared at me like I was a flying pig-not that those don't exist; they're just rare.

"So, what's the plan?" Noah asked.

"We could shadow travel," Lexa said. She made eye contact with Nico.

He shook his head. "No, that will make us too tired. But that did give me an idea." He shoved his hand in his pocket, pulling out a long, thin whistle made of what looked like ice.

"What is that?" I asked, leaning toward it.

"Stygian ice dog whistle. Mrs. O'Leary will answer to it." He blew on it, but it made no noise.

"I don't think it worked," Noah said. I laughed, because right behind him, the hellhound had just appeared. "What?" he asked.

"Turn around." He did, and then let out a squeak so unmasculine that at first I thought it wasn't him.

"Piper! Don't do that! You know I have cynophobia!" I laughed some more.

"What's cynophobia?" Lexa asked.

"The fear of dogs."

"Oh."

"If it wouldn't be too much to ask, could we please get back on track?" Nico asked. "Noah, help me get Marley up on top of Mrs. O'Leary." Noah looked really uncomfortable, edging his way around the massive dog.

"Just how are we going to do that?" he asked.

"You're going to climb up there," Nico said, looking a little more than irritated. "I'll lift Marley up to you, and you'll pull her the rest of the way up."

"I don't know…" he replied, skepticism obvious in his voice.

"Just do it!"

I giggled a little. Noah was such a wussy sometimes. He took a deep breath before hoisting himself up and swing a leg over the hellhound's back.

"Okay, give her here," he said, motioning for Nico to lift Marley up. Marley didn't seem to notice at all that she was being lifted up.

"You guys are going to go with Mrs. O'Leary. Me and Lexa will take Piper," Nico said.

"You're going to leave me _alone _with it? Are you nuts? It will kill me!" Noah was freaking out big-time.

"You'll be fine," I assured him. "She's a good doggie, aren't ya, girl?" I asked, scratching behind an enormous black ear. Mrs. O'Leary barked.

"Okay, girl," Nico said, leaning to talk to the dog. "Take them to camp for me and I'll give you a new chew toy!"

"WOOF!"

"Alrighty, then," I said as Noah and Marley disappeared with the hellhound. "What now?"

"Let's go to camp," Nico said. "Will you be alright shadow-traveling by yourself?" He looked at Lexa.

"I don't know," she said, looking uncertain. "Coming here… er, _there_… was a bit of a strain."

Nico smiled slightly. "I remember shadow traveling for the first time. I ended up in the polar-bear exhibit at the Cincinnati Zoo instead of Half-Blood Hill." He rolled his eyes. "Okay, ladies, give me your hands and we'll go."

I, being the awesome person that I so obviously am, refused to give him my hand and demanded a piggy-back ride.

"Are you serious?"

"Absotively, posolutely!"

"You are a freak of nature," Lexa told me. I grinned, like I always do, and jumped on Nico's back without warning.

"Ow! You're going to break my spinal cord some day," he complained.

"Quit your belly-achin'!" I told him, using the term my grandpa would have used.

Lexa rolled her eyes, taking Nico's hand. "Let's get this show on the road."

"Hakuna Matata! It's a wonderful phrase! It's our problem-free… PHILOSIPHY! Hakuna Mata-"

"Piper! Shut up!" Lexa cried as we materialized in front of Thalia's Pine.

"_Someone _needs their nappy," I sang. "You know, It's quite rude to interrupt someone when they are singing."

"Piper, I may not hate you anymore, but don't push it. And I _do _need a nap, so I am going back to the cabin." She walked off.

"Where are you going?" I asked Nico, who was already fifty yards away and still running towards the Big House.

"I'm gonna go see Marley! Catch ya later!" He called back, not even bothering to look at me as he talked. How rude.

**Phew, another chapter. Finally. Sorry for the huge delay, we're doing state testing at school now, so I've been a little stressed. Anywho, what did you think? Does Noah seem in character? I'm not sure, because he wasn't exactly supposed to be a big character in the first place, but he ends up showing himself more and more, so I need to work on him. **

**So, who should I write the next chapter in? Marley or Nico, maybe? I don't know. Still in need of plot ideas. Fillers won't last forever. Ummmm…. That's all I have to say, so audios, mis amigos!**

**Me encantan los Poptarts. **

**Poptarts es…**

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	4. Miraculous Tacos

**Have I ever told you guys how awesome you are? Eh, probably. But that doesn't make it any less true. You guys rock! Here is a chapter to thank you for your awesomeness.**

_**Nico di Angelo, Son of Hades**_

As soon as I got to the Big House, I ran into Noah. He looked less tense than when in the presence of Mrs. O'Leary, so that was good.

"Marley's in the infirmary," he said when he saw me.

"Thanks, Noah," I said, taking the staircase up to the second floor where the

infirmary was located.

Marley was in the same bed as last time, looking somewhat miserable. Pollux, her older half brother, stood next to her, and it looked like he was lecturing her.

"You could have died, you idiot! What were you thinking?" he shouted.

"I was helping a friend," she replied quietly, so quiet that I had to strain to hear her.

"That Lexa girl? She's not important! Dad's gone berserk over the whole thing, and that isn't good. He's been torturing the whole camp, and who gets all the grief about it? Me, that's who!"

"So you're telling me that I should let a friend become a soulless monster so you don't have to have any grief about the way our dad acts? Am I the only one who sees something wrong with that, Pollux?"

Pollux glared at her for a moment, then sighed. "Whatever. The good thing is that you're back safely."

Marley rolled her eyes at him, and, spotting me in the doorway, said, "Hey, Nico."

I smiled slightly. "Hey. You feeling any better?"

"A bit," she replied. "I just had some ambrosia." I cringed. I still didn't like the idea of her eating that stuff. What if she-gods forbid-spontaneously combusted? That was a possibility, wasn't it?

"That's good," I said anyway. There was an awkward silence, and Pollux was looking at me like I was some icky looking thing on the sole of his shoe. I had a feeling he didn't like me very much.

Just then, an Apollo camper, a little nine-year-old girl with blonde hair and freckles, ran in. "Pollux, Mr. D wants to see you," she said, panting.

Pollux nodded, at the girl, then turned to Marley. "Will you be alright?" he asked, sending a not-so-subtle glance my way. Marley rolled her eyes.

"It's just Nico. I'll be fine," she said. "Now shoo! Before I kick your butt!"

"Like you could," he called over his shoulder as he left.

I went and sat on the edge of her bed. The blonde girl busied herself, tending to a guy a few beds over that had a nasty looking cut on his chest.

"I hate this place," Marley grumbled. "Its so… boring."

"Understandable. I never liked it, either."

"I mean, could they at least paint the walls purple?" she continued ranting, giving no indication that she'd even heard what I said. "White is boring! And I need some Dr. Pepper! Where is the Dr. Pepper?"

"Um, I don't-"

"And why aren't there any books? I NEED books!" I had never seen Marley like this before. She was losing it.

"HOLA, MIS AMIGOS!" I turned around to see Piper standing in the doorway, with seven books, a bottle of Dr. Pepper, and a bottle of purple nail polish. That was just… scary. Very scary, indeed. "My super spidey senses detected your needs, so I went and got them for you."

Marley just stared at her in awe. "Never again will I doubt the truth of super powers and magic," she muttered. I smiled. _Girls…_

"It wasn't magic, you dolts." I had almost forgotten we weren't alone. The guy with the cut on his chest (well, there _was _a cut on his chest, but it was beginning to fade) walked over to our little huddle. "Annie, over there," he said, jerking his thumb at the little girl, "just Iris Messaged the freak to come and calm down her friend, and she happened to hear what Miss Whiney Pants was complaining about."

"Oh, dear me. He's a non-believer. That will change, my friend. I will convert you. Let me guess, you're a fan of sparkly vampires?" Piper said, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the guy had just called her a freak.

The guy blushed. OH MY GODS, HE LIKED TWILIGHT! What kind of sick, cruel world do we live in when guys actually like Twilight? It's just _wrong._

"Yes, I must teach you the ways of magic. Come, we shall enroll you at Pigfarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Wait, I thought it was Hogwarts," I said, confused.

"That's the school in Great Britain, dummy. Pigfarts is on MARS." She smiled sweetly, which creeped me out just the teensiest bit. She grabbed the guy's hand, who's eyes widened in shock as she lead him out of the infirmary, chanting, "Pigfarts, Pigfarts! Here I come! Pigfarts, Pigfarts! Yum, yum, yum!"

I waited until I couldn't hear her anymore to give Marley a questioning look. She shrugged. "It _is _on Mars, you know. Would you like me to contact Headmaster Rumbleroar?"

"No, I'm good, thanks." I don't even want to know what they were talking about.

Just then, the Apollo camper, Annie, came over. "Hey, do you want some Gushers?" she asked Marley.

"No, I have a Fruit Roll-Up. I don't need your gushers," Marley replied. Then both girls erupted in giggles. I rolled my eyes. I definitely didn't want to know.

The next thing I know, Piper was scurrying back in the room. "Sorry! I forgot to give you these," she said, thrusting the books, soda, and nail polish into my arms, and then scampering right back out of the room.

I just stared after her, wondering how many times she had been dropped on her head as a child. Marley took the nail polish out of my hand, twisted off the cap, and then proceeded to paint the wall behind her bed with it.

"What are you doing?" I asked. "You'll get into trouble for that."

"Relax, I'm just painting a little spot of purple to satisfy my purple craving. Duh." I rolled my eyes. She was just as crazy as Piper, and that's saying something.

"It might have made more sense to paint your _nails _with _nail_ polish. Just an idea. Crazy, I know, but it probably would have worked just as well," I said, my words dripping with sarcasm.

She simply stuck her tongue out at me. Who does that anymore? Four-year-olds?

Marley reached for one of the books, flipped it open to a random page, and began reading.

"I'm no nerd, so I don't read a lot, but I'm pretty sure that you're supposed to start reading from the front of the book," I said.

"Well, if you're reading anime, you read the book from back to front. But this is Harry Potter, a series I know so well that I could pick up at any point in the entire story and still know what's going on, so I can start reading wherever I like."

"You just gave me a headache," I announced.

"Shush, muggle. I'm reading."  
I rolled my eyes. "Well, bye. I just wanted to check and see that you were all right. Oh, and by the way, you owe me a new pair of shoes."

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"You puked all over my shoes. I need new ones." To prove my point, I took off one shoe and stuck it in her face. I have no doubt that it smelt worse than the smelliest thing in the universe times ten.

"Get it away from my face, Death Breath!"

"Death Breath? Really? That's the best you could come up with?" I asked, lowering the shoe.

"At the moment, yes. I'll be sure to change it at some point in the near future, though, so don't get too comfortable with it," she replied. She turned back to the book and continued ignoring me.

I walked out to the porch to find Piper and that one dude having a heated discussion about something that was completely stupid. I walked over to them anyway.

"Dumbledore!"

"Snape!"

"Dumbledore!"

"Snape!

"What the Hades are you guys talking about?" I asked.

"She thinks that Snape was a better wizard than Dumbledore. But Snape hated Harry Potter! You can't hate Harry Potter and be the best wizard ever. It's just not right," the guy said. I didn't know his name, so I'll refer to him as Ferb for now.

"Snape was the best! Actually, no, I change my mind. Rumbleroar is the best, because he lives on Mars. He's the headmaster of Pigfarts, you know."

Ferb rolled his eyes. "Enough with the Pigfarts on Mars and mythical planets junk. It's not real."

"Mars isn't a mythical planet," I said.

"You know what I mean," he scowled.

"Do we?" Piper asked, standing up from the chair she was sitting in to twirl on the deck. "Do we really know what you mean, Jace?"

"Yes. You do."

"Liar! I don't know what you mean. What are we even talking about?"

"NICO!" I heard someone shout from the direction of the cabins. Percy ran up to us, with Annabeth only a few paces behind him, laptop case hanging from one shoulder.

Percry grabbed my arm, swung me around, and grabbed my other arm, holding my hands behind my back like I was a criminal and he was a cop.

"Um… Percy?"

"Listen, I have nothing against you at the moment. This is all Annabeth. Sorry in advance," he whispered hurriedly as Annabeth neared.

Her jaw was set, her lips in a thin line. Her eyes flashed dangerously, and I new I was in deep doo doo. I sent a quick prayer to my father that I wouldn't be visiting him any time soon.

"Prepare to meet your maker, kid," Percy muttered so his girlfriend wouldn't hear.

"Shut up, Barnacle Brain!" I hissed, so that his girlfriend _could _hear. Maybe if her anger was divided between the two of us, I'd get off easier. And if not that, well, Percy would have to suffer, too, and that was enough for me.

"Percy, stop engaging with the juvenile delinquent." Wow. Annabeth was _really _angry. I had some major sucking up to do. What was that book she had been going on about for the last month? Or maybe something nerdier… what do nerds like beside homework and books? I wonder if she likes jigsaw puzzles… Eh. It wasn't like I had enough money to buy any of those anyway. I'll pick up a coloring book at the dollar store or something. And some crayons… or does she like markers? Colored pencils? All three? This is still getting expensive. I'll just tell her she's pretty. Yeah, that'll work.

"Sorry," Percy said, ignoring me.

"Nico, di Angelo, what the Hades were you thinking? Taking off on some quest in the middle of the night without telling us, and when we finally hear from you, you go off to the Underworld again! What the Hades is wrong with you?" Like I said, deep doo doo.

"Well-" She cut me off.

"Don't even try to explain. You were obviously not thinking. You never this. Go to your cabin, and don't come out until you're thirty!"

"Annabeth, I think that's a little overkill. Go easier on him," Percy, letting my hands go and putting one on her shoulder. She relaxed a little, but her eyes were still smoldering hot, like lava.

"Look, I'm sorry I'm acting like a mom right now, but I care about you Nico. A lot of people do. We just don't want anything bad to happen to you," she preached, acting just like the mom she apologized for just a moment ago.

"I get that, but is yelling at me going to solve the problem?"

"No," she admitted.

"But a taco might," I said, smiling slightly. Annabeth rolled her eyes at me, but smiled.

"C'mon, Death Boy, let's go to the dining pavilion. It's almost dinner. And with that, the three of us headed off in the direction of the miraculous tacos.

***Sigh* I am officially the biggest, most epic failure in the universe. How long has it been since I updated? A loooooooong time. I'm sure you will find Banana Smoothie ranting about it sometime soon. She's been nagging me for two weeks, but it finally wore my patience, so voila! You have a chapter, even if it is a sucky filler. Sorry about that.**

**Because I am such a horrible person, I will not ask for Poptarts with my reviews, but if you do add those in there, I will mail a coconut to your house. And yes, I can do that… if I have your address, which you probably won't give me, so I wouldn't be expecting any exotic fruit in the mail any time soon.**

**Anywho, I have writers block once again, but I do have a plot. I just need filler ideas, so if anybody would like to contribute to the epitome of epic-ness that this story is, please PM me or review.**

**To Make An Epic Failure Happy, Click Right…**

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**AQUI!**

**(Guess who tested into Spanish 3 after only taking Spanish 1 over the period of two years? My buddy, Rachel, of course! And me, too. Who knew I was so smarticles?)**


	5. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

**Hola, mis amigos! Last chapter, a few (a lot) of you told me that Marley and Nico need to kiss already, or that something mildly resembling romance needs to happen. So, still working on that. Maybe something will happen this chapter. Not sure yet. **

**And yes, I named my new character Jace, after Jace Lightwood from the Immortal Instruments series. My moment of weakness. *facepalm***

**Anywho, I've decided that waiting a billion years to update doesn't work for me. I hate it and my friend refuses to even write her story until I update. Plus I enjoy getting reviews from you guys on a regular basis. I get email on my phone, so when I see that someone reviewed, I get all happy and can't stop grinning like and idiot for the rest of the day. Just ask Banana Smoothie. :)**

_**Marley Kromer, Daughter of Dionysus, Epic Failure in all Forms of Demigod Combat**_

It had been about a week since we all returned from my quest to save Lexa's humanity plus a detour. Nico and Lexa were bickering like only siblings can, and Noah and Piper were adjusting to Callie being gone. That Jace kid was hanging out with us more and more.

I've learned that he's a son of Apollo, he is in his school's Glee Club, and he never goes anywhere without his iPod. I like my music, too, but I don't carry my iPod to the bathroom. That's just weird. But then again, Jace is weird by himself.

I had been growing accustomed to life at camp. Going to activities and pretty much sucking at each form of demigod combat. Pollux said it ran in the family. But really, I couldn't even handle a sword. Once, I dropped it on the instructor's foot. It was on accident, of course, but she still won't let me within ten feet of her with sharp objects. I guess I'll just stick with hand combat, like punching people and wrestling them, because even mortals do that, and I'm pretty good at mortal fighting. Nico could tell you that.

I was just walking back to my cabin after taking a well deserved shower after a long day of failing at all the activities. I could feel the breeze blowing against my skin, making me shiver a little.

"Hey, Marley!" I turned to face the guy running towards me at full speed. He just barely avoided crashing into me when he stopped abruptly.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Uh, Mr. D wanted to see you in his office. He said it was important," the guy told her. He seemed a little frightened, like he expected me to threaten him at any moment. Don't you just hate it when people assume that you are exactly the same as your parents? Doesn't it just make you feel like using the Cruciatus Curse on someone? (For the losers who don't know which Unforgivible Curse that is, it's the one that hurts, but doesn't kill you. Commonly known as the torture curse.)

I sighed. This would be awkward. Probably more awkward than the conversation with Hades, when the death god was showing me baby pictures of Nico in the bathtub. Oh, wait! I wasn't supposed to say anything about that. Don't tell him the secret, okay? He doesn't even know that the pictures exist.

On with the story!

I half ran to the Big House, assuming that would be where my dad's office was. I mean, where else would it be? Under the Lava Rock Wall? Psshh.

I walked inside through the front door and into the foyer, where I could see up to the fourth floor. The air was cool, unlike the scorching heat outside. I grumbled under my breath about Apollo cursing us all to die of heat stroke.

A loud rumble outside made me jump, and I remembered that the gods could still hear me, no matter how quietly I mumble. "Sorry," I whispered.

"Marley? What are you doing in here?"

"Um, I'm looking for my dad's office," I said uncertainly, looking at the person who spoke. My gaze rested on the tall, blond form of Jace. "Do you know where it is?"

He smirked. "I've been in there enough times to know that even if I had amnesia. Down the hall, there's a door that leads to the basement. Go down there, and the second door on the right is where you'll find him. He might be in a bad mood, considering he just yelled at me again, but he's always in a bad mood. See ya," he said, hardly taking a pause to breathe during his rant, before jogging out the door.

I raised an eyebrow, even though nobody was there to see me do so. "That guy has issues," I said to myself before setting off down the hall.

I stopped in the doorway outside the wine god's office. Inside, a bookshelf covered the back wall. In the far corner there was a fountain with a nude statue of my dad. (Just so you know, _scarred for life._) In the middle of the room was a desk with various papers stacked on it. My dad sat in a spinny chair behind the desk, obviously expecting me.

"Come in, Marley. Take a seat; we have much to discuss," he said, shuffling some of the papers around absentmindedly. I sat, wondering again exactly why I was here. I had a feeling this wasn't going to be an amiable chat with Daddy Dearest.

"Um, what exactly are we, erm, 'discussing?'" I asked, fidgeting in the hard wooden chair that was my seat.

"Don't stammer," he scolded, his gaze cold and unrelenting. "We are here to discuss your actions." I cringed. I should have been expecting this, really. I'm not sure why I wasn't. It was bound to happen sooner or later. "What were you thinking? Running off to save Death Breath's spawn? More importantly without authorization! And no prophecy, either! Do you think this is some kind of game?"

I leaned back in my seat, wishing there was some sort of cushion. Who said he could yell at me? _I_ sure didn't.

"You don't know how to fight! You can't use your powers! You would have died very early in your quest had I not intervened by sending your friends after you on a rescue mission. Alone, you are weak and useless if a monster decides to attack! The world is too dangerous for you-"

"Shut up!" I shouted, cutting him off. I was shaking in rage, my hands curling into fists at my sides. I didn't even remember standing up.

"_Excuse me?"_

"Don't you _dare_ talk to me like that," I said forcefully. I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself. "

"Like… _what?_" he asked. He stared at me, waiting for my response.

"Like a parent," I said through gritted teeth.

"I'm your father. I think that entitles me-"

"No, it doesn't," I interrupted. "I don't know you. You don't know me. You can't tell me that you are my parent, because you're not."

"How so?"

"If you were actually my dad, you would have been there all my life. For all my birthdays, when I broke my leg, when mom and Aunt Alice died." I shook my head at him, disgusted. "If you had been there, things might have been different. You could have fixed mom. And don't tell me you couldn't. I've heard about Chris Rodriguez," I said when he started to say something.

"What happened to your mother was very tragic, but it wasn't my fault," he said angrily.

"I know that," I said softly. I hadn't realized I was crying. I swiped the tears with the back of my hand. "But you could have helped her. Look, punish me. Do whatever you have to do. But don't just assume that you can be my dad. You just… you just can't."  
He stared at me, curiosity coloring his eyes. "One week of stable duty after dinner. You begin tonight."

I nodded, feeling tired. I left him to do whatever gods do in their spare time.

I wasn't all that hungry at dinner. I shoved most of my food into the fire pit, not sacrificing to any god in particular. I pushed the rest around my plate with my fork, not really listening as Pollux told me about the latest Stoll prank.

"Marley, are you okay?" he finally asked. He put a hand on my shoulder.

"Fine," I lied. "Just tired. I'll see you later. I have stable duty." I got up, handed my plate to a dryad, and left Pollux to eat by himself.

The late October sky was dark already, with tons of stars twinkling in the sky. _Twinkle, twinkle, little star…_

"Hi, Marley!" I nearly jumped out of my socks.

"Piper! You scared me! Don't do that," I said. I looked at Piper, dressed in a green skirt and a "Weasley is Our King!" t-shirt.

"Sorry," she said, smiling impishly and not sounding sorry at all. "Why'd you leave? They were about to serve chocolate pudding! Yum…"

"Stable duty," I said, suddenly finding my toes very interesting. They were purple with white and yellow flowers on them.

"You sound depressed," she observed. "Does somebody need a hug?"

"No."

"I think _you _do. What do you think, Gilbert?" she said, looking at a patch of air right next to her.

"Who's Gilbert?" I asked, confused.

"Gasp! I forgot to introduce you! Gilbert, Marley. Marley, Gilbert." Did she just introduce me to a patch of air? I think she did. "Gilbert is an invisible giraffe. He's very shy," she confided.

I grinned in spite of my bad mood. Stupid Piper. Why couldn't she just let me wallow in my misery?

"Gilbert says he thinks you need a hug too." Before I could stop her, she was squeezing the life out of me.

"Can't… BREATHE!" I gasped, my supply of oxygen running dangerously low.

Piper finally let me go. "All better?" she asked in a sing-song voice. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, something like that," I muttered. Piper grinned.

"Well, I'm going back to dinner. I couldn't possibly miss out on the chocolate pudding. Besides, it's Gilbert's favorite desert." She skipped off into the darkness, humming, as per usual. I watched until she tripped over something, laughing as she got up.

I stood there a moment longer, then turned back toward the stables. Smelly, smelly stables.

**Okay, so this chapter was short. I promised a certain somebody (Three guesses who) that I would update today, so I just cut it short. But next chapter will be longer, I promise. Hopefully you will believe me and not mail me another little brother. I'm sick of the one I have. He doesn't shut up, and I've yet to find the off button on him. I'm thinking I'll just bonk him over the head with a frying pan. =D**

**Anywho, if you have ideas or suggestions for me to use, PM me and I'll see what I can do about them. **

**Gilbert will give you a hug if you click the little button right…**

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	6. Unicorn Poop

_**Nico do Angelo, son of Hades**_

You know what sucks? Younger siblings. All they do is annoy you, intentionally or not, and quite honestly, I don't know how much longer I can take it. Lexa is driving me nuts.

I think I'd almost rather have the little sister that sulks in the corner. I can't even imagine how Bianca put up with me for so long without punching me in the face or something equally painful. Maybe I can get Marley to punch Lexa, hopefully breaking said little sister's nose in the process. It would be immensely satisfying.

Tell me, what kind of horrible person am I to deserve to put up with her crap? I ask her to turn down her music; she blows up in my face. I ask her to please keep her belongings on her side of the cabin (and yes, I divided the cabin in two with a really long piece of orange duct tape); she blows up in my face. I don't know what to do anymore!

I walked into the Hades cabin, thinking just those thoughts when I saw that Lexa was on _my _bed, wearing _my _sweatshirt, listening to _my_ iPod.

"Lexa."

"..."

"Lexa," I said, a little louder this time.

"..."

"_LEXA!_" I shouted. She jumped, clearly startled out of her own little world. She pulled out one ear piece and paused the music.

"What up, yo?" she asked, giggling at her gansta' impression.

"Why are you on my side of the cabin with my stuff?" I asked seriously, so that she'd take the hint that this was a very serious matter.

"I got bored, and there's no better entertainment than that of torturing one's sibling," she replied, grinning.

"Well, stop it."  
"Stop what?"

"I mean it Lexa," I warned.

"You mean what?"  
"Lexa!"

"Nico!" She grinned wider. "I like this game." My anger surged. I snatched the iPod from her hand and pushed her off the bed. My sweatshirt was a lost cause.

"Go. Away." I flopped on my bed, stuffing my iPod into the drawer of my nightstand.

"You're no fun," Lexa grumbled. "Me thinks I'll pay Mrs. O'Leary a visit." And she was gone, thank the gods!

I stared at the ceiling for a bit. I was bored. Sigh. How pathetic is it that I'm bored? I mean, my life is chaos. You'd think that something interesting would be happening at this very second.

"Nico! Marley is drowning in unicorn poop!" Speak of the devil...

"What are you talking about, Piper?" I asked sitting up. Piper looked like she had just run a marathon. Her hair was wild, with twigs tangled into it.

"I'm talking about Marley, your soul mate, who is drowning in poop at the stables! You have to save her before it's too late!"

"Wait, soul mate?"

"No time for that!" she shouted, pushing me out of the bed in he same manner as I had done to Lexa, and all but kicking me out the door. "Hurry, I don't know how much longer she'll survive!"

"Survive what?" I asked, finally on my feet. Piper steered me toward the stables.

"The toxic fumes of unicorn poop, stupid!"

I stayed quiet until we reached the stables, because I wasn't sure what the heck was actually going on, and I highly doubted that It was possible to drown in poop, whether it came from a unicorn or otherwise. Did unicorns even exist?

"Go, save her!" Piper said, pushing me through the door. She disappeared.

"Nico?"

I faced Marley, who had a shovel in hand and was, obviously, not in need of any assistance whatsoever.

"Piper said you were drowning in unicorn poop," I said, answering the question that I knew she would ask.

She raised an eyebrow. "Well, I'm not, so you can go and tell Piper that I'm fine."

"What are you talking bout? I knew you were fine the whole time," Piper said from behind me, nearly sending me into cardiac arrest. "It must have been my evil clone. She's such a pest. I'll just go take care of her right now." And then she was gone.

"I love her, but I might just have to let my undead minions have a field day of killing her."  
"Love her, huh? Me thinks wittle Nico has a wittle crush!" she laughed.  
"EEW! She's like my sister. That's just gross. Wrong on so many levels. Where would you get a crazy idea like that?"  
"You said you loved her. I could only assume."  
"There is such a thing as siblingly love, you know," I told her.

Just then, I heard a racket outside, which involved muffled yells and lots of thumping. We ignored it.

"Oh, really?" she asked, still grinning impishly.

"Yes, really. But you wouldn't know because your brother is a bit messed up in the head." Ha! Take that!  
"Don't say that about Pollux!"  
"He hasn't been the same since Castor died. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but Dionysus kids tend to go crazy when their emotions are out of whack," I explained, digging my grave deeper with every word I uttered.  
"I don't believe you." Ah, denial. Typical.  
"Why? Because you know I'm right, which I am, and you just don't like to admit that I just might be a wee bit smarter than you?" I grinned wickedly.  
"Not even in your dreams, Death Breath," she said with a flap of her hand and the roll of her eyes. Gods, that was such a bad habit. Note to self: break Marley of any and all bad habits.  
"You, my friend, need to get a better come back. That's a bit outdated," I remarked.  
"Outdated? Aren't you, like, 80?"  
Ouch. "Your point?"  
"Nothing, gramps. Nothing at all," she said nonchalantly, shoveling up a big scoop of poop and dumping it into a big trash can.  
"It's not my fault. I was trapped in a casino for... eh, long," I defended myself halfheartedly. Truth be told, I really didn't care how old I was.  
"Probably playing nerdy video games the whole time," she muttered.  
"I'm not a nerd!"  
"I never said you were, but now that you bring it up..." She trailed off.  
"Go drown in horse poop."  
"Horse poop?" a voice from outside asked. It sounded suspiciously like Jace.  
"We are eavesdropping here! Why are you so bad at being quiet?" Another voice (cough cough PIper cough cough) asked, clearly annoyed at the first voice.  
"Obviously he was learning from you," I said, Loud enough so both parties outside could hear. Marley laughed as Jace and Piper stepped inside the stable.

"It's cold out there," Piper informed us.  
"Look," Marley said, looking tired, "I have work to do, and if you aren't going to shovel poop out of the stable, you may leave."  
"Seeya!" Piper called, leaving for the umpteenth time.  
"Farewell!" Jace said before following close behind.  
"Hand me a shovel." I stood up, cracking my knuckles.  
Marley's eyebrows shot up into her hairline. "Seriously?"  
"Do you want to shovel unicorn poop all night by yourself?"  
"...you do realize that unicorns don't exist, right?"  
"They do too exist!" Piper huffed.  
"Now who's got a problem being quiet?"  
"Still you, darling. Now will you please shut up before I staple your mouth closed?" Piper asked sweetly.  
"Will you two leave before I send zombies to eat your flesh?" I asked in that same sickeningly sweet tone.

"THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE! Come, Jace! We must go find some Nerf guns to protect ourselves!"

Marley and I spent the next hour shoveling poop in silence, which I found disconcerting because I had grown used to Piper doing a terrible job of eavesdropping on us.

"It stinks in here," Marley commented as we put our shovels back in the storage room with all the other supplies.

"Yup. I could use some fresh air," I said. I turned out the light and shut the door behind us as we left. Piper was right. It was cold out. I saw Marley shiver. "Cold?"  
"Der," Marley said, rolling her eyes as her teeth chattered. It was actually kind of funny to watch.

I shrugged out of the orange Camp Half-Blood sweatshirt I was wearing and threw it at her. She caught it and pulled it on, smiling gratefully.

Now there's just one problem. I was cold. I could feel goose bumps rise to my skin, and I rubbed my arms with my hands, hoping a little friction would warm me up. No such luck.

"Cold?" She said it in a teasing tone.

"Der. But I won't steal the sweatshirt back because that would be admitting to weakness, and that isn't manly."

"Since when do you care about being manly?"

I shrugged, smiling despite the fact that I was freezing my butt off. That's such a weird expression. You can't _actually _freeze your butt off.

"Thanks." It was so sudden that I wasn't sure I'd heard anything at all, but she was looking at me as if waiting for some sort of response, so I responded.

"For what?"

"Keeping me company. Taking half my workload. Giving me this," she said, gesturing to the orange sweatshirt that was looking pretty warm right bout then.

"Uh, you're welcome," I said uncertainly. We stopped in front of the Dionysus cabin.

"'Night, Nico," she said, disappearing behind the wooden door.

"'Night," I said softly, even though there was no one to hear me. I half ran to the Hades cabin, suddenly feeling very tired.

I sat at the Hades table in the dining pavilion, stabbing at my waffles and freezing to death. Why did I ever give Marley my sweatshirt? Lexa sat across from me. She was staring into space, not quite awake yet, It was only seven thirty in the morning, afterall.

I looked around. Piper and Noah looked like they were fighting over what the Rice Krispies were telling them. Marley looked absolutely miserable at her table, and I could only thank the gods that I wasn't her. For whatever reason, Dionysus had decided to sit with his children today. He was sitting right between Marley and Pollux, munching on a piece of toast with a grimace on his face as usual.

"What do you think he's over there for?" I started at the voice.

"Gods, Jace! Don't do that." I glanced at his amused face briefly before turning to stare as so many others were. "I dunno. I'll ask Marley after breakfast."

Jace nodded, picking bits of bacon from his plate as he walked off, humming to some song or other.

I went back to my people-watching. Percy looked much like Lexa, except he had already fallen back asleep into his scrambled eggs. Conner and Travis Stoll were talking with Chiron up at the head table, and Chiron looked like he just wanted to clop them both over the head with his hooves. Very suspicious indeed. I wondered what they were planning.

"Attention campers, attention please." All heads turned to face the ancient centaur. "The Hermes cabin would like to make an announcement." He glanced suspiciously at the twin pranksters. "Travis, Conner, you may proceed."

"Just wanted to give a quick reminder that the infinitely awesome Hermes cabin will be hosting our annual Halloween party!" Travis shouted, looking far too excited.

"It's a costume party, so dress up! Especially you ladies out there! Don't be afraid to show a little-"

"Mr. Stoll! That's enough!" came Chiron's warning.

"-enthusiasm," Conner amended. I grinned.

"Party is this Friday at nine! See ya then!" Travis finished, then the two went to sit with their fellow brothers and sisters, chattering excitedly.

"Well, because I have no doubt in the world that some tragedy will come of this, there will be a few rules! No camper of age twelve and under will be allowed to attend." I heard groans from most of the younger campers, except for Lexa, who didn't seem to even realize that there was a party at all. "No alcohol or drugs, under absolutely any circumstances. If I catch any of you breaking any of these rules, consequences will be given. Understood?" Chiron looked around, daring anyone to say they didn't. "Excellent. You are dismissed to your activities."

I had Sparring with the Aphrodite cabin first, taught by Percy. I rolled my eyes. The Aphrodite girls were pretty, but gods, they don't shut up! They go on and on about their hair and makeup and clothes and love and relationships and their mom and now I'm rambling. But they never wanted to actually spar, because they didn't want to get sweaty. So most of the time they just skipped class and Percy and I just goofed off.

On this particular day, we were hanging out at the beach. Percy looked completely relaxed so near his father's domain. I, however, didn't really care much for the water, so I was building a little sand castle.

"You going to the Halloween party?" Percy asked. "I mean, you don't have to, but you should. The whole 'child of Hades' thing really fits in with the atmosphere."

I snorted. "Yeah, uh huh. I might go. What about you? Are you going?"

"Most definitely."

"What are you going as?" I inquired, curious as to what the kelp brain would say.

"Chuck Norris," he stated, grinning stupidly.

"You're retarded. What does Annabeth think of that?"

Percy scowled, smacking the back of my head. "Obviously she thinks it's stupid. But it's Halloween! You're supposed to be something cool on Halloween, aren't you? I mean, who goes as Marie Antoinette?"

"Who the heck is Marie Antoinette?" I asked, confused.

"Some queen of France or something. I don't see why she couldn't go as Cat Woman or something, but it's Annabeth, so I forgive her."

I shrugged.

"Do you have a date or anything?"

I almost choked on my spit. "What? No!"

"Why not?"

"Because… Because I don't wanna, that's why!"

Percy grinned, obviously enjoying my discomfort. "Oh, come on, Nico!"

"No."

"That Marley girl is kind of cute… you should ask her." I just stared at him, wondering if he had eaten too much crazy flakes for breakfast this morning. "Or you could ask Piper…"

"I'm not asking Piper. I love her, but not like that. She's my stepsister."

"And technically Annabeth is my cousin's daughter, but nobody really cares, because gods don't have DNA. Look, if you don't want to ask Piper, ask Marley."

"Why should I ask anybody at all?" I asked, really wanting this conversation to be over.

"Because you'll look like a loser if you don't, that's why. Do you want to look like a loser?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Then it's settled. Ask her tonight after the campfire."

"What if she says no?" I asked. I could only imagine what she would say. Would she punch me? Or stab me? Or whack me to death with a Harry Potter book? I shuddered.

"What if she doesn't?" Percy asked standing and dusting the sand from his clothes.

"Go drown yourself," I muttered, scowling.

"As tempting as it sounds, it's impossible. I'm too much like Chuck Norris for it to happen." He grinned.

I rolled my eyes at my idiotic cousin, turning to head toward the Arts and Crafts building.

For most of my time spent there, I worked on a little skeleton warrior made of paper clips and glitter glue. It was epic. The remaining fifteen minutes were a bore, though. I fell asleep.

"Niiiiicooooooooo….." someone cooed in my ear. I mumbled a little about going away and scratched my nose, only to have my hand land in some sticky substance. I opened my eyes so fast I almost got whiplash.

There was white, puffy gunk on my nose. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what it was.

"It's about time you woke up. You're late for border patrol, by the way." I sat up, wiping the gunk from my nose with the hem of my t-shirt. Just perfect. My favorite black t-shirt was ruined. RUINED!

"What is this stuff?"

"Marshmallow cream. I couldn't find any whipped cream, so I had to make do with this," Piper explained. She handed me a clean shirt. I raised an eyebrow at her. "I knew you would wipe your nose with your shirt, so I brought you another. Now hurry up and get changed! You're _late!_"

She skipped out the door, humming once more to some song I didn't recognize. I quickly changed my shirt and ran to my cabin, where I threw my dirty shirt on the floor, grabbed my sword, and then took off for Thalia's Pine.

Clarisse yelled at me constantly for being late, even punching me in the gut once because I didn't feel guilty about it. I acted guilty about it after that. Not that she cared anymore. She just told me where to patrol and shoved me in that direction.

"Don't be so pushy," I muttered, scowling at her from over my shoulder.

The section of the border I was supposed to be patrolling wasn't very close to Thalia's Pine, so usually there wasn't really much to do. Not that I minded. I could finish my nap that was so rudely interrupted. Honestly, what does a guy have to do to get a decent nap?

So I fell asleep again. I had a rare non-demigod-death-predicting-future-telling dream about a blue caterpillar that was smoking a cigar and sounded like Alan Rickman as Severus Snape in Harry Potter (I had at least seen the movies). It was weird.

"Wake up!" the caterpillar ordered, suddenly whopping me over the head with a giant cigar.

"Stop hitting me, Alan!" I said, trying to block the blows.

"Who the Hades is Alan?" a voice that definitely didn't belong to the caterpillar asked. "Never mind. Get up! You fell asleep on the job, stupid! Now there's a monster and- Oh crap! That's gotta hurt…"

I opened my eyes to see Annabeth pulling out her dagger and disappearing as she slid her Yankee's hat into place. "C'mon, Nico! There's a pair of _dracaena_, and they don't look very happy!" I hopped to my feet, unsheathing my sword and running head on into the fight.

A satyr was holding off one _dracaena_, leaving a boy and a girl to fend for themselves as the other monster advanced on them. The boy stood on front of the girl, as if to shield her from the _dracaena's _wrath. I stepped in, slashing my sword at the monster and slicing off its hand.

It hissed angrily at me, lunging toward me. "GO!" I shouted towards the two kids, distracting the monster until they got to safety. The satyr ran with them, seeing as the other _dracaena _had spontaneously exploded into dust.

"You are one ugly woman!" I said, dodging as the monster slashed at me with its left hand, razor sharp claws whistling past my ear. I lunged at it, grazing its hip. The monster snarled in pain, then threw itself at me.

It knocked me to the ground, grabbing my sword and throwing it at least ten yards from where we were. I cringed. This would be difficult.

"I've got you now, demigod," the monster hissed in my ear. She started clawing at my chest, and I screamed as pain ripped through my body.

"Nico!" I heard Annabeth yell. I couldn't really focus on her, though. I felt like I was being put through a paper shredder and then being burned. Black dots danced across my vision. I felt as though I was being crushed.

Then, the weight was gone. I gave a shaky breath, feeling tears fall from my eyes. I'm not even going to pretend that I wasn't crying. I felt like utter crap.

"Nico!" Annabeth was crouched on her knees at my side, looking critically at my wounds. "Oh, gods, that looks painful… Okay, Nico, this is probably going to hurt, but it's for your own good," she said. She grabbed a rock about the size of Tyson's fist and brought it down to my head, hard. I heard a sickening crack as my vision faded. "I'm sorry, Nico," was the last thing I heard before I slipped into unconsciousness.

I kind of slipped in and out of consciousness a few times. The first time I heard jumbled voices, catching only words at a time. "Might not make it," and "critical injuries" and even "might stay comatose for a while." I wasn't sure what they were talking about. I was fine. I wanted to say something, but I fell back into unconciousness.

When I woke up for good, I was blinded by the sunlight streaming in the open window. I blinked a few times, adjusting to the light. I noticed that I was alone in a small bedroom. Was I so injured that I couldn't stay in the infirmary? Wow.

I tried to sit up, but pain shot through my chest and I let out a strangled yelp as I fell back into the pillows.

An Apollo camper-Annie?-popped her head into the doorway. "Oh, good! You're awake. I'll go get Chiron."

I stared at the door for a good five minutes, startled out of my stupor when Chiron walked in.

"Good to see you haven't died, Mr. di Angelo. How do you feel?"

"Lousy," I rasped out, still in pain.

"Good, good," Chiron said.

"How exactly is that good?"

"It means your nerves aren't damaged if you can feel the pain," he said, pouring nectar into a cup. He handed it to me.

I took the cup and sniffed at it. It had no scent. I remembered Piper laughing at me just a few weeks ago for never having tasted nectar before, and how she had also predicted it would taste like peanut butter fritters. There was only one way to find out…

I took a small sip. Gods, why did Piper have to be right? It was like she was psychic or something. I mean, really? How could she have known that?

I felt the pain recede, and I breathed in a sigh of relief.

"Would you like me to send in your visitors? You have quite a few…"

"How many could there be?" I asked. I expected Annabeth would, seeing as she was there when it happened, and Percy, because Annabeth would have made him, and maybe Piper, but that was it.

"Eight, I believe, but not all of them are well-wishers. I do believe Miss La Rue wants to bash your head in for falling asleep on the job." I cringed, and the ancient centaur smiled slightly, eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Yeah, send them in, but not all at once. My head still hurts." Chiron nodded, before walking back out into the corridor and shutting the door behind him.

The next thing I know, Clarisse is practically busting the door down, glaring at me. "You idiot! Why did you fall asleep on the job? That's an amateur's mistake! Those kids almost got killed!"

"But they didn't," I remarked. Bad idea.

"But they were hurt! And it's because you weren't doing your job right!"

"Clarisse, it almost sounds as if you care," I teased, grinning as I watched her face go red.

"Listen here, punk- OW!" She turned around to see who had thumped her on the head.

"Nice work, Lexa," Marley commented as she and Piper stepped into the room.

"What are you doing?" Clarisse grunted out through gritted teeth.

"Why are you yelling at poor Nico? He just woke up from his coma, and here you are, terrorizing him! Why would you terrorize a recovering patient? Hmmm? HMMMMMMMMM?" Piper was all up in her face, and Clarisse looked ready to punch someone.

"Clarisse?" Lexa said, cutting whatever witty retort Clarisse was about to say off.

"What?" she asked crossly, still glaring at Piper.

"Do mind showing me a few tricks with your spear? I'm not very good, and I want lessons from the best…" Lexa continued. Clarisse's face softened a bit as she smirked.

"I am the best. Okay, runt, let's go. I can yell at your punk of a brother any time I want."

"Don't count on it," Piper muttered.

"Watch it, Owens," came the harsh reply, and then the daughter of Ares and Lexa were gone.

"That was interesting," I commented. Piper and Marley turned to me and both slapped me on the back of the head.

"What was that?" I asked, clearly annoyed.

"A Gibb's slap," Marley replied. "You know, from NCIS?"

"May I ask why?" I asked.

"No," Piper told me. "You are going to listen to me mope around in self pity until you get better." Only then did I notice that her eyes were red and puffy from crying, and that she held a box of chocolates in her hand that said, "TO: NICO-GET WELL SOON!" Piper opened the box and took out one of the chocolates. I thought she was going to give it to me, but instead she popped it in her mouth, blubbering as she chewed.

"Piper."

"It's all my fault! If I had just left you sleeping in the Arts and Crafts building…"

"Piper…"

"I'm so sorry, Nico! Please forgive me! Don't feed me to flesh eating zombies!"

"Piper, it's okay. It was my fault," I said, trying to calm her down. She stuffed two more chocolates into her mouth, still blubbering.

"No it's not!" she wailed. "You almost DIED!"

I glanced at Marley, and she took her cue to put an arm around Piper's shoulders and lead her out of the room. And, much to my dismay, she took the chocolates with her. I sighed.

"Knock-knock," Percy said as he entered the room with Annabeth close behind.

"Hey," I said, waving a bit.

"Gave us quite a scare, Death Breath," Annabeth told me, taking a seat on the edge of my bed. She sat on my foot in the process.

"Ow."

"Oh, sorry," she said, adjusting herself so that her butt wasn't smooshing my foot.

"How are you feeling?" Percy asked.

"Meh. Okay, I guess. Better since I had some nectar."

"You tasted nectar?" It wasn't Percy who said it, and I hope to gods that it wasn't Annabeth, seeing as it was deeper than a girl's voice should be. I looked at the figure standing in the doorway.

"Hey, Jace," I said.

"Hey, Nico. Um, sorry to interrupt, but the two new campers want to talk to you," he said, glancing over his shoulder. "Alone?" He said it like a question, wanting to know if that was okay.

I nodded. "Sure, send 'em in," I told him. I turned back to Percy and Annabeth. "I'll see you guys later," I told them. They nodded, and left. Jace ushered the two kids from… Actually, I wasn't sure how long I'd been unconscious, so I'll just say the past.

"This is William," Jace said, gesturing to the boy. He was obviously the older of the two, with dark hair and brown eyes. His skin was tanned, like he spent a lot of the time in the sun, and his nose was a bit crooked, like he had broken it. The girl looked about two years younger, with long dark hair the same color as her brother's and the same brown eyes. Her cheeks were rosy and she had long, inky eyelashes. She was staring at me, her face expressionless. "And that's Jillian. They like to be called Will and Jill… I think. They don't talk much so I really don't know if they don't like it."

I looked at the two kids, studying them. They looked like normal kids to me. Maybe they just thought Jace was weird. It wouldn't have been the first time this had happened. I mean, what kind of self-respecting guy would sit through an entire episode of Glee and actually enjoy it?

"So," Jace said, obviously trying to rid the room of the awkward silence. "You tasted nectar? What did it taste like?"

"Peanut butter fritters," I said ruefully.

"Piper's gonna be ecstatic, you know that right?"

I nodded in response.

"Well, I'm gonna go. Chiron told me to tell you that you can leave when you feel up to it." And with that, he slipped through the door, probably going to tell Piper the great news.

"So, what can I do for you?" I asked the older brother.

"Uh, I just wanted to say thanks… for saving our lives, I mean. Jill and I wouldn't have made it much longer if you and that other girl hadn't stepped in," he said, looking at the floor as he spoke.

"Oh, erm, your welcome. I would have done it for anyone else," I told him. He looked up at me, grinning.

"That's really weird," he said. "You're not much older than me, and I wouldn't even dream of going into battle and possibly getting killed for someone I don't even know."

I shrugged. "We're all family here, and families look out for each other. Even the meanest person here wouldn't have left you guys to fend for yourselves. We've all been in that position before. Not much fun, eh?"

"No, you're right." He looked down at his sister, who was still staring. "Jill, say thank you," he whispered in her ear. Jill hid behind her brother's back, peeking shyly out from behind his shirt.

I smiled slightly at the sight. "Do you guys know who your godly parent is, yet?"

"Nope," Jill said suddenly, before ducking behind Will again.

Will grinned. "We just got released from the infirmary this morning."

"Could I ask what day it is? I'm still not sure," I said.

"It's Thursday."

"Holy Fladoodles!" I shouted. I hopped out of the bed, leaving the two kids in the room as I searched for Marley. I was supposed to ask her to that party…

**Okay, I accept that I am a really terrible person. I let my cat fall out of a window, I don't always recycle, and I haven't updated for at least a month. BUT, I did give you this chapter that is twice as long as the usual chapter to make up for it. This Author's Note is the beginning of eleven pages. GO ME!**

**So, I'm not sure who will be Will and Jill's godly parent yet. Suggestions, anyone? **

**I'm not sure that Nico was completely IC this chapter, and the same with Percy and Annabeth. But in my defense, I'm not used to writing about Percy and Annabeth, so there. **

**I would love to hear your thoughts on this super long chapter, and the way to make my dreams come true is to click the button right…**

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**HERE!**


	7. Not Edward Cullen

_**Nico di Angelo, son of Hades**_

__Have you ever had one of those days where everything is going absolutely perfect? You arrive at school on time for once, the teachers don't seem as horrible as usual, you don't get into any fights or anything… then you realize… you forgot your project that's worth 75% of your final grade in science. That's the kind of feeling I had as I searched the camp for Marley.

I had a sinking feeling in my stomach, and it didn't seem like it would be going away any time soon. Where was she?

I barreled through the camp, combing over every inch. Not in the arena, or the amphitheatre, or the stables, or the armory, or arts and crafts, or the volleyball courts (not that I really expected her to be there, with her loyalties to soccer and all).

I was hot and sweaty from running around all afternoon. It's not like she has an invisibility cloak or-GODS! Did I really just make a Harry Potter reference? What has my life come to?

I sat down hard on the ground near the woods. My case was half hopeless. Somebody had probably already asked her.

"Nico?"

I looked up to see a girl that I didn't know. She was petite, with tan skin, beach blonde hair, and baby blue eyes that sparkled. She was obviously wearing makeup, and she wore designer jeans, black Uggs, and a designer jacket. Definitely a daughter of Aphrodite.

"Uh, hi," I said, not really wanting to talk to her.

"What are you doing out here? And why are you in your PJ's?" she asked, sitting next to me.

"Who are you, exactly?" I asked, ignoring her questions.

"Rose Washington," she replied, smiling at him. She had a cute smile. "So why are you out here again?"

"I was looking for someone to ask to that Halloween party, but it just isn't happening." I peeked a sideways glance at her, and mentally cursed myself. Rose was grinning widely at me.

"What a coincidence. So was I," she told me. I gulped. "Would you like to go with me?"

"Um, look, I'm really sorry, but when I said 'someone', I meant I was looking for a specific person, and I can't find her," I told her, hating myself as hurt crossed over her face. "I'm really sorry."

"It's fine," she said, looking utterly confused, like nobody had ever said no to her (and looking at her, that wouldn't surprise me). "Just out of curiosity, who were you going to ask? Maybe I can help set you up with her." Wow, that girl could bounce from one emotion to another.

"Marley Kromer. You know her?"

"Wasn't she that girl who ran after your sister a few weeks ago? Dionysus cabin, right?" I nodded.

"I've been looking for her everywhere and I can't find her. It's like the universe wants me to look retarded," I grumbled. "I gotta go." I stood up and jogged away from Rose.

I finally found Marley. She was at Piper's cabin the whole time. I'm an idiot. Of course she would be with the other Harry Potter fanatics.

"Knock, knock," I said, stepping inside.

"Nico! Is it true? Is it really true? Did it taste like peanut butter fritters?" Piper exclaimed, looking like someone had just given her Albus Dumbledore for Christmas. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Uh, yeah. Um, can I talk to Marley real quick? Alone?" I asked. Piper grinned, like she could read my very thoughts.

"Are you going to confess your undying love for her?" she asked, an impish smile curling at her lips. I rolled my eyes. "MARLEY! GET OUT HERE!"

"WHY?"  
"CAUSE NICO WANTS TO CONFESS HIS UNDYING L-mmmff!" I put my hand over mouth before she could finish her sentence, glaring at her until Marley came to the door.

"Nico, aren't you supposed to be at the Big House, recovering from a coma?"  
"Well, yeah, but-"

"But what?"

I sighed, running a hand through my hair in obvious frustration with myself. "Erm, wanna go for a walk?" I finally asked, my gaze going to my feet. Only then did I really notice that I'd been running around all afternoon in my skull and cross bones pajamas and a t-shirt, with no shoes and socks on. Wow. "After I go put some clothes on," I added.

"Okay, sure. Meet me by Zeus' Fist in fifteen minutes?" I nodded, smiling shyly. I was NOT shy. What the heck is wrong with me?

"See you then," I said, jumping all three steps down the Persephone cabin's front porch and landing on my feet in the grass. I half ran to the Hades cabin, passing the skeleton warriors that guarded the front door. Changing in record time, I raced to meet Marley in the woods.

When I got to Zeus' Fist, Marley was already there, and she had a huge grin on her face. I was confused.

"Why do you look so happy?" I asked, sitting on a rock next to her. She beamed, grinning wider, if possible.

"You'll never guess what just happened."

"Probably not, so why don't you just tell me?" I joked.

"Someone asked me to that Halloween party thingie tomorrow night," she said. I stared at her, unsmiling. Someone had beat me to it? Who? I'll kill him…

"Who?" I asked, trying to sound upbeat for Marley's sake.

"This guy from Hermes cabin… His name is Ethan Steele and he is absolutely _gorgeous_…"

I just nodded stiffly. I was angry at myself. Why did I have to go and get myself hurt? I could've asked her days ago, and she might have said yes to me, instead of stupid _Ethan…_

"… and I told him I'd have to think about it, because I hadn't really planned on going anyway. I was going to watch the Harry Potter weekend marathon on ABC Family up at the Big House instead. What do you think I should do?"

She hadn't said yes. I still had a chance. "Um, I think you should watch Harry Potter. In fact, I'll watch it with you if you want," I offered.

"Well, Ethan got me thinking about it. He said the party was a lot of fun, usually, and that I should come. I'm kind of curious," she said, getting this dreamy look in her eyes.

I could feel myself trembling in anger. What was so great about stupid _Ethan_? How come he was so stinking amazing?

"I think I might say yes to him."

"Why?" I asked, my voice much louder and more violent sounding than necessary.

"Why what?" Marley asked, confused at my outburst.

"Why would you say yes to some stupid guy you don't even know?" I asked, still being louder than necessary.

"Maybe because he asked me, and I might want to get to know him!" Marley shouted irritably. "Is there a problem with that?"

"Yes!"

"Then please, feel free to enlighten me; what is so bad about accepting a date?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Forget it," I muttered. I walked off.

"Grow up, Nico!"

An hour later, I was still wandering around the woods. I wasn't lost or anything, but I really didn't feel like running into anybody I knew. They'd ask what was wrong, or why I was depressed and all that jazz. I just didn't want to put up with it.

"Fancy meeting you here," said a voice from above. I looked up into the tree branches above my head.

"Rose?" I said, catching sight of blonde hair. I found the tree she was in and began climbing up. "What are you doing up here?"  
"Nothing, really," she replied as I sat on the wide branch beside her.

"Same here," I said, sighing heavily.

"Still no luck with Marley?" she asked, guessing at my conflict.

"Sort of."

"Want to talk about it?"

"I just don't get why the universe is out to get me!" I groaned. "I mean, I was going to ask her on Tuesday, but I got injured, so I couldn't. I spent all day looking for her, and I finally get her where I want her, only for her to tell me someone else asked her already, and she was thinking about saying yes to stupid _Ethan_!"

"Ethan Steele?" Rose inquired, her interest suddenly sparked. "Oh, he's a hottie…"

I glared at her. "Yes," I said scornfully. "_Ethan Steele_, who is so 'absolutely gorgeous,'" I said, using finger quotes.

"Jealous much?" Rose asked. "Look, did you ask her or not?"

"No, I didn't get the chance because she was too busy talking about stupid _Ethan_."

"Well, at least I'm not the only one without a date," she sighed.

"You didn't find a date?" I asked, genuinely surprised. Rose was really pretty. A guy would have to be insane to say no to her.

"Nope. Everyone I asked already had a date, except you, because you were going to ask Marley. I should have listened to Alison. She warned me that I couldn't wait until the last minute. She's had her date since last month."

"Well, to make it easier on both of us, would you like to go with me?" I asked, then as an afterthought, "As friends?"  
Rose smiled gratefully. "I'd love to go as friends. What are you going to go as?" she asked.

"Well, I haven't really given any thought to it, you know, being comatose and all." I sighed. "Any suggestions?"  
"You could go as Edward," she supplied.

"No offense or anything, but I don't really favor sparkly vampires. That's just stupid," I told her.

She rolled her eyes. "Contrary to popular belief, Nico, not all Aphrodite children are obsessed with Twilight. I happen to agree with you. Edward Cullen is a creeper, and I wasn't talking about him, anyway." I raised an eyebrow at this. "I was actually talking about Edward Scissorhands."

"Who is Edward Scissorhands?"

"OMG, Nico! How do you not know who he is? Gods, I need to show you the movie and everything! Plus I need to put together your costume, and I still need to figure out what I'm going as… C'mon. We have work to do."

She jumped from her perch in the tree and landed gracefully on the ground. I, on the other hand, tumbled clumsily into the dirt below. "Where are we going?" I asked, trying to keep up with her. Gods, she could walk fast. Maybe there is something to that saying, "Shop till you drop."

"You'll see."

**Okay, this is obviously way too short, but I'm having trouble introducing the next part in this chapter and time is ticking, so I'm going to update now. **

**Rose… Well, I'm not sure what I'll be doing with her. Should she be competition for Marley because she wants Nico for herself? Or should she just be the typical Aphrodite girl who only wants to meddle with Nico and Marley's relationship? You guys choose. But she will be some sort of stepping stone towards Marley and Nico as a couple.**

**And to any people who are fans of AVPM, AVPS is now on YouTube, and their soundtrack is on their site, if you didn't already know. I know I'm going to be listening to it for the next century or two… =)**

**OH! And Harry Potter turned twenty nine on Saturday. Just saying.**

**Wish Harry a happy late birthday right…**

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	8. The Avaturd

**My, oh, my… how long has it been? Longer than it should have been. Lately I've been suffering of Writers' Block, that horrid disease. Plus my Mimi had been sick with cancer and passed away last Saturday, so it's been a little hectic. And I'm sleep deprived. You wanna know how much sleep I got last night? Less than six hours. I didn't go to bed until midnight, then got up at 5:30 a.m. because I was supposed to bew at school by seven to make up a Spanish test. Then my teacher, Mr. Pena (pronounced pain-yuh) didn't how up until 7:45, so I was at school for forty five minutes all by myself. Grr. Anywho, I have your chapter… finally. **  
_**Piper Owens, daughter of Persephone, Hogwarts Alumna, Pigfarts Alumna, Walking One-Woman Musical**__, __**Ultimate Spy**_

"What's up with her?" Jace asked, nodding in the direction of Marley, who was angrily muttering to herself and scowling at all things cheery and delightful as she walked out of the woods.  
"It's all your fault, you know," I told him. We were sitting on the dock at the canoeing lake. I had been telling Jace about my suspicions of the Loch Ness Monster living down in the murky depths of the water.  
"How is it my fault? I didn't make her mad," he defended, looking at me incredulously. I rolled my eyes.  
"If you had done a better job of spying the other night, Nico might have confessed his undying love for Marley. But you were noisy, and he got all nervous," I explained.

"Then why didn't he ask her today?"

"He was going to. That's why he and Marley were in the woods, but this other dude, who I hate for ruining the chances of Nico ever getting a girlfriend, asked her, and now Marley is thinking of saying yes. She probably told Nico that while they were in the woods before he asked her, and Nico probably went berserk and got mad, and now Marley is mad at Nico for being crazy. Thus, all your fault for not being a good, quiet spy." I took a deep breath, proud of my little speech.  
"How do you know all this?"  
"Because I am a good spy, and you are not. You are a HORRIBLE spy. James Bond would be disgusted," I informed him. "Of course, there is a way to redeem your Spy Skills…"  
"And how would I do that, oh, master spy?" he asked.  
"You can help me spy on the new kids," I told him, standing up. "They are very suspicious, indeed. I bet they are conspiring to take over Chiron's brain! Gasp! Come on!"  
Jace rolled his eyes at me, which I clearly didn't appreciate. I mean, this was serious! You don't roll your eyes when someone is being serious. It's just common courtesy. I slapped his arm really hard. It left a big red hand print. I'm quite proud of my accomplishment.

"Let's go, Sunshine," I said, grabbing his hand and towing him along behind me. We scoured the camp for the two kids. I couldn't find them anywhere! It was times like these when I wished I had a Marauders' Map for camp. It would be most helpful at times like these, no?  
"There they are!"  
"Shush, stupid! Do you want them to hear us?" I whispered, catching sight of the dark haired siblings. They were walking, chatting about who knows what. I dragged Jace behind a bush. "Just keep your eyes peeled."

"That sounds really gross, you know. You should say something like, 'keep an eye out for any thing interesting,' or-"  
"SHUSH!" I whispered loudly. I watched the two kids intently.  
They were both around Lexa's age. The boy had dark brown hair and eyes the color of dirt. His skin was tanned, like he played a sport outside most of the time. He was tall for his age, a little gangly. His feet were huge, like a clown's. Basketball, I decided, was his sport. His little sister seemed a year or two younger. Her dark brown hair was swept up into a ponytail, and blunt bangs hung across her forehead. She had the same color eyes as her brother, framed by inky black eyelashes. She had the same tan skin as her brother and rosy cheeks, and she had dimples when she smiled.

"Hey, Will?" she asked. Her voice was surprisingly rich for someone her age.  
"What?" Will asked, looking at her.

"Watch this!" Jill did some mumbo jumbo movements with her hand and made a little ball of air spin on her finger.  
I felt my jaw drop, and I didn't even bother to close my mouth, despite the fact that I could potentially catch flies. I punched Jace's arm. "Did you see that?" I asked, amazed.  
"See what?"  
"Pay attention!" I scolded, turning back to the subject of inspection. Jill was grinning like an idiot at her brother, who seemed mildly impressed.

"Watch this," he told her, using both hands to do mumbo jumbo movements, only bigger, making an air ball three times the size of a bowling ball. I thought that was the big trick by itself, but then Will put the spinning air ball on the ground and jumped on it, riding in circles around Jill.  
"OMG! I HAVE TO FIND NICO!" I shouted, scaring poor Will in the process. He ran his air ball scooter into a tree. "Come, Jace! We must go!" I shouted once more before I grabbed his hand and dragged him off again, this time in search of my sorta kinda step brother.

"NICO!" I shouted, even though he was only standing two feet away from me. He had just emerged from the Aphrodite cabin. Interesting. I'd have to interrogate him about that later.  
"What do you want?" he asked, scowling at me.  
"WE HAVE AIR BENDERS IN OUR MIDST! AND I THINK ONE OF THEM IS THE AVATAR!"  
Nico stared at me for a moment, and then at Jace to explain. "We were spying on the new kids and they were making air balls with their hands! It was TOTALLY AWESOME!"  
"They were air benders. Aang isn't alone anymore! I bet one of them is the new Avatar… wait, that means Aang is dead! I missed his funeral! Darn," I rambled.  
"Piper, the new Avatar would be from the Water Tribe. They were just air benders," Jace told me.  
"Well, who has control over water that we know of?" I asked.  
"Percy?" Nico suggested. I looked at him for a minute.  
"Well, he did blow up a volcano once-that's fire," I said, counting on my fingers. "And his dad is known as the Earth Shaker, so that's earth. We already know he can bend water. That just leaves air, but he's got three fourths of the elements, and that probably just means he hasn't mastered air yet. OMG! Percy is the Avatar! I have to go tell him!"  
"Have fun," Nico mumbled, looking mildly depressed. I'd have to play therapist for him later, but right then, I had to find the Avatar.  
"C'mon, Jace," I said. I wasn't quite sure where to find Percy, but I would bet that it was anywhere that I'd find Annabeth, who is ridiculously predictable along with most of her siblings. And my first guess would be that Annabeth would be at the Arena, practicing on either a straw stuffed dummy or a seaweed stuffed dummy.  
"Where are we going?" Jace asked, powerwalking to keep up with me.  
"The Arena. Where else?" I asked, trying to fathom how it could possibly be unobvious.  
"How do you know that's where Percy is going to be?" he asked. Gods, that's all he ever does.  
"Haven't you noticed that Percy follows his girlfriend around like a little puppy? And also that said girlfriend is almost always at either the Arena or her cabin, redesigning Olympus?" I glanced back at him, wanting to see that he understood my deductive reasoning.  
"Maybe you should have been a daughter of Athena," Jace muttered, obviously not meaning to let me hear, but I responded anyway.  
"While I am so very flattered, Jace Rayson, I wouldn't be a daughter of Athena if my life depended on it. They all have sticks up their butts and don't know how to live. Have you ever seen an Athena kid jump off a cliff into water so deep that you aren't even certain what could possibly be at the bottom?"  
"No?" Jace said uncertainly, like he thought it might be a trick question. What a muggle! "But I've never seen anyone jump off a cliff," he added hastily.  
"What a shame," I said. "It'll give you the best adrenalin rush of your life!" I sighed dreamily, wishing that it was summer once more so I could do what I like best.

"Right."  
"LOOK!" I shouted suddenly, pointing to a big, buff looking, black haired and green eyed seventeen year old and a short, thin, blonde with gray eyes in the center of the arena, circling each other slowly.  
Percy held his sword in hand, defending his internal organs on instinct, even though it was completely pointless. He was invincible, so it  
wouldn't even matter if someone tried to bash his head in with a sledgehammer. He wouldn't even get a concussion, the lucky duck!  
Annabeth stood her ground, holding her dagger out to jab at a moment's notice.  
The next thing I knew, Percy was on the ground, Annabeth sitting on top of him, grinning idiotically while holding a knife to his throat. Normally, this would have aroused worry from the onlookers, but no worries. Percy is invincible, remember?  
I sauntered up to them, barely able to conceal my excitement at officially meeting the Avatar, while Jace loitered by the bleachers, pretending to not know me.

"Hello, Avatar Percy of the Water Tribe," I greeted, bowing like a Chinese Karate ninja dude before he faced his opponent.

"Um… hi. Piper, right?" he asked, staring at me like I spoke Troll.

I grinned. The Avatar knew my name! "Right!" I agreed excitedly.

"Uh, well, can I help you with something?" he asked, sitting up as Annabeth got off of him. She handed him a bottle of water.

"Actually, I come with great news! You're the Avatar! Master of all four elements! Unfortunately, nobody told you this when you were sixteen, like they were supposed to. It really would have helped out a lot if you had known about your bending abilities during the war. Kronos would have gone down in, like, two seconds flat!" I said, pounding my fist into my palm, causing a loud SMACK!

"What the Hades are you talking about?" Annabeth asked, staring down at me incredulously.

I smiled sweetly. "I'm talking about your boyfriend being the Avatar, of course!"

"Wait, do you mean that cartoon on Nickelodeon?" Percy asked. "The Last Airbender?"

"Yes!"

"Cartoons aren't real. They aren't useful for anything. Now, History Channel… That is cold, hard facts."

"According to History Channel, we don't exist. How's that for 'cold hard facts'?" I asked, using finger quotes.

Annabeth's face turned bright red, like a tomato, or a lobster, or an apple, or a cherry popsicle! The similes are endless. Back on track, though, she was mad.

"Uh, I think we should go," Percy stated, standing up and wrapping an arm around Miss Prissy Pants' waist. "Thanks for the info." He gave me one last apologetic glance before they were gone.

"Well, then," I muttered. So much for being excited about being super duper powerful and all that jazz. He didn't have enough enthusiasm to be the Avatar… he can be the Avaturd. It's much more fitting, no?

"Piper?"

"What?" I snapped, then felt bad about it. Jace looked a little confused, and let's face it. If he gets much more confused, he will never be able to keep up with someone as awesome as me. "Sorry."

"That's okay… so, what do we do now?" he asked, clearly not sure about what he was getting himself into.

"Why, we go spy on the new kids some more, obviously!" I declared.

"And how the heck are we supposed to know where they are?"

"Do you know nothing? Have you not witnessed with your own eyes that I know everything?" I asked, over-dramatic, as per usual.

"Oh? So if you know everything, where are they?" he asked, clearly wanting to prove that I was bluffing. Which I SO wasn't… maybe just a little, but he doesn't need to know that, so don't tell anyone. Shhh.

"The dining pavilion, of course!"

"I bet you ten drachmas that your wrong."

"I am not!"

"Why don't you just admit that you only want to go there so you can get a sandwich?" he asked, smirking like… like… like a smirker-er… yeah. Not much of an insult. But really, being witty isn't as easy as it looks. I have to think about my witty retorts in advance sometimes. Even the internal ones.

"Maybe they wanted a sandwich, too," I said. "Trust me, I'll be ten drachmas richer when we find them at the dining pavilion, with Italian subs in their tummies. You'll see."

"You're wrong."

"You were right!"

"Der." We stood at the buffet table that was out only during the day, so the campers could come and eat whenever they felt like it. On my plate, I had an Italian sub, gummy bears, doritos, double stuff Oreos, and Red Vines. The ultimate meal.

"How are you always right?"

I just smiled knowingly, because truthfully, I really did just want a sandwich. It was just a perk that Will and Jill were there, too. Appreciatively convenient for yours truly.

"You must be magical or something. That's the only explanation."

"Obviously. I told you from day one, I am a witch, and a student at Pigfarts, which is a school for witchcraft and wizardry on Mars. The headmaster is Rumbleroar. He's a lion. That can _talk._"

Jace nodded, like he finally got the answer to the meaning of life. I smiled. He was a little less confused now. Maybe he did have a chance at keeping up with my awesomeness.

As we neared the end of the table, I grabbed a glass bottle of Ale 8, the awesomest, most delectable beverage you have ever heard of. For those readers that live in Kentucky, you had better know of it. If not, you are all losers. For the rest of you, who can't be held accountable for your loserism, google it. After all, google is like the god of all search engines. It will keep you informed much better than yahoo. Just saying. And now that I am done advertising, I shall continue with the story.

"Should we go sit next to them?" Jace asked, trying to balance three slices of pepperoni and mushroom pizza, a bottle of Gatorade, and a little packet of Yogos in one hand.

"No, stupid. It wouldn't be spying if they knew we were right there. We have to be sneaky."

"True, but they already know we were spying on them earlier. Remember, you shouted, 'OMG! I HAVE TO FIND NICO!'" he imitated, a little too loudly, for at least ten heads turned to stare at him.

"Nice job, doofus," I said, elbowing him in the ribs so that he dropped his food and had to go get more while the nymphs muttered darkly about stupid, messy demigods. I couldn't agree more. Demigods were messy. Just look at my cabin! I'm certain that there is a moldy sandwich in Noah's sock drawer. It smells. And now Noah has some weird foot fungus that I forgot the name of.

"That was embarrassing," Jace commented, turning beet red. "I'm gonna go get more food."

I sighed dramatically before setting off towards Will and Jill, who were still staring at me warily. I flashed a bright smile as I sat down across from them. "Hello."

"Hi?" Will seemed uncomfortable, I noted.

"I'm Piper. Just so you know, I know about air benders, and I would greatly appreciate it if you would shave your heads so that I can confirm your bending abilities in my database."

"Will? Why does she sound like that guy that mom is dating?"

"She sounds crazier than him," Will replied to his younger sister. He scratched his nose and stared at me like I was some unsolved puzzle that had no chance of ever being completed.

"That comment wasn't nearly as insulting as you intended it to be, my dear. Now, if you would follow me to the Big House, I can shave your heads and all this could be over," I continued.

"But I like my hair!" Jill cried, looking genuinly worried. She placed her hands protectively on her dark brown locks. I smiled sweetly.

"Don't worry, hair grows really fast. Like, half an inch a month! So, in about a year and a half, you'll have a decent amount of hair," I tried to persuade.

"But I'll be bald!"

"Well, if you have the tattoos on your head, which I'm fairly certain you do, it won't look as bad. You should be proud to bear the airbending tattoos!"

"Piper!" I looked, up, momentarily distracted at the call of my name. "Please tell me you aren't terrorizing them…"

"Well, well, well… It seems that Miss Gloomy Pants actually cares about the treatment of other campers… Who knew?" I teased, grinning. Lexa stuck her tongue out at me as she took a seat at the table.

"Hey, Will," she greeted with a faint smile. Will smiled in return.

"You two know each other?" I asked.

"We had Beginner's Archery together," Lexa told me, surreptitiously stealing one of my gummy bears. I smacked her hand. "Ow."

"Then surely you can tell me whether or not they are air benders, seeing as they won't let me confirm it by shaving their heads," I said, glancing briefly at Jill. She sunk lower in her seat. I wonder if I scared her…

"Air benders?" Lexa asked, raising a black eyebrow and looking pointedly at the suspected air benders. I nodded.

Will shrugged. "We can control air currents a little, but that's it. We can't, like, fly or anything," he told us. I studied him, wondering if he might be lying because he planned to assassinate Chiron or something equally horrific. And it was just fine and dandy that I ran out of Veritaserum, and it would take a whole moon cycle to make more. Grr.

"Do you know if it's your mom or your dad that we're looking for?" Lexa asked.

"Our dad. We lived with our mom up until a few days ago. I guess you could say she's a little eccentric…"

"What does that mean?" Jill asked quietly, turning her eyes on Will. He leaned to whisper something in her ear. "Oh! Okay, yeah."

Will rolled his eyes a little. "Ever since she started dating this guy, Fred, she's been doing things like sky diving and bungee jumping. A few days ago, they were going to take us zip-lining, but Jill wasn't tall enough, and Mom didn't want to leave her alone, so I stayed with her while mom and Fred were zip-lining."

"And then the bald guy with one eye that made sure mom and Fred went down without us attacked us, and then the guy with goat legs helped us run away, and then he found a car and hot-wired it so we didn't need the key, and-" Jill started.

"Long story short," Will interrupted, while Jill glared at him, "a satyr drove us to camp in a stolen car, and then the snake monsters attacked us and you know the rest."

"I didn't ask for your life story. Just if we were looking for your mom or dad," Lexa said, an amused smirk playing at her lips. I think somebody had her first crush. Shhh, don't tell.

"Okay, so a male god with air bending abilities. Got it," I said.

"We're not air benders," Will told me, slightly exasperated. I smiled and rolled my eyes at him.

"You are because I say so, and there is no argument against that, for I speak the truth. Now run along. I have work to do," I told him. I grabbed my plate and started towards my cabin, where I could pig out without anyone witnessing that I was, indeed, a pig.

**I'm not really sure about this chapter… It didn't seem Piper-ish enough, which is part of the reason why it was so late. I spent forever trying to fix it, but it's still not exactly what I wanted it to be. **

**So, who would like to take a guess at who Will and Jill's father is? If you can figure it out, I'll give you… Well, I don't actually have anything to give you. You can just be satisfied that you guessed right. How does that sound?**

**I recently have discovered hat my epic arrow to the review button isn't right… I'm not sure what's going on with it, but I'm trying to fix it. Sigh. **

**SATISFACTION THIS WAY!**

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	9. Wishing For Tuna

**I'm not even going to attempt to explain why I haven't updated in… eh, long. BUT, in spirit of Halloween, I believe I will go ahead and get this chapter out, because, well, I'm awesome like that. =) Enjoy, my peeps.**

_**Jace Greyson, Son of Apollo, tuna fish lover**_

I'll readily admit at any time of day that I'm not considered normal, even under demigod circumstances. But really, why should I be? Who wants to be normal? I like being different. People leave me alone for the most part. But not Piper. From the second I met her, she wouldn't stop talking.

She had her hair tied back in a messy braid and a wild look in her eye, like she was a little kid and it was Christmas. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if she still acted like a little kid on Christmas. To make my point, when she heard that Marley and Nico _weren't _going to the Halloween party together, she threw a fit. She actually threw her _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_ book at me. She dropped to the floor and screamed and pounded on the floorboards with her clenched fists.

Most of you, my dear readers, already know that Piper isn't one that usually gets so upset. She probably never has gotten that upset before now.

Marley left right after telling her about the fight, narrowly escaping the storm from within the Persephone cabin. I wasn't so lucky. And when Piper's temper tantrum ended, she started crying and blubbering. I don't know about you guys, but I sure as Hades didn't know what to do.

"Nico was supposed to go out with her and then marry her so Marley could be my sister and now that won't happen because they aren't going out and we'll never be sisters!" she wailed. She leaned on my shoulder, her tears staining my shirt. I awkwardly patted her back. And in an instant, she sprang up and began to pace.

"So, Marley has a date, huh? He shouldn't be too hard to get rid of." She looked at me. "I want you to go get someone from the Aphrodite cabin. I don't care who, but we need a professional," she ordered, sounding like a drill sergeant. I wondered if she would make me drop and give her fifty.

"Um, Piper?" I said timidly, not wanting to offset her stability at the moment. There was a fine line between just fine and absolutely crazy, especially for Piper.

"What?"

"…" I wasn't sure what I was going to say, so I just left my mouth gaping open.

"Stop that. You'll catch flies. But you're right. We need more than just a professional. We need agents, too. Go get Will and Jill. They'll do just fine."

I decided to do as she told me. After all, if I didn't, my sanity would be in jeopardy.

Will and Jill, surprisingly, weren't together. I had no problem finding Will. He was in the stables, about to take a lesson on Pegasus riding. Much like me when I first tried, he was having difficulties adjusting the saddle.

"Shut up," he muttered irritably at the winged horse. "I don't need you mocking me."

The horse whinnied, an amused glint in his eye.

"I know! Stop pestering me and tell me how to do it!"

I raised an eyebrow. He could talk to animals. Or maybe just horses… A son of Poseidon? I scrutinized his appearance and crossed Poseidon off the list of Eligible Parents. Percy couldn't control air currents, anyway.

"Wassup, muh homie?" I asked, making the most failtacular impression of a gangsta' ever.

Will started, his hand flying out and accidentally whacking the winged horse on the nose. Said winged horse snorted irritably. "Uh, Jace… hi."

I just pretended I didn't notice any of what I just witnessed, however hard that might have been.

"Where's your sister?"

"Beats me."

"Well, that's a conflict," I said, mostly to myself. I tend to do that a lot. Will just stared at me, like I had only one eye. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing. Percy's half brother was a Cyclops. He was pretty cool.

"Why?"

"Because the two of you are required to see your assigned counselor in the case that camp gets attacked," I lied smoothly. Ha! Take that, Piper! I may not be the best spy, but I am one heck of an amazing liar!

"… oh."

"Come on, let's go find Jill." I turned on my heel and didn't look back to see if Will was following me. I knew he would. They always do…

Gosh, that sounded really creepy. Add that to another of my talents, Piper! I'm an excellent stalker.

Sure enough, Will caught up so that he was keeping pace next to me. "Where do you think she'd be?" I asked, because I truly had no idea where to find a little girl. Especially a little girl such as Jill, who was small and quiet and smarter than some people would give her credit for.

While Nico was still unconscious, I often caught her finishing up sudoku puzzles. Do any of you readers realize how hard those things are? I can't even finish one of the novice level puzzles, and a nine-year-old girl just breezes through the difficult ones like they are coloring pages… and now I'm off topic.

Anywho, she's smart and small and quiet. If she didn't want to be found, she most likely wouldn't.

"I dunno," Will replied, shrugging like it really didn't matter.

"Well, you better figure it out."

"We can try the Hermes cabin, but I doubt she's there. She doesn't like it all that much."

"Why not?" I asked, just to keep a conversation going.

"She says it's too cramped in there, not enough windows," he told me.

_Okay, so that rules out anywhere inside_, I thought. "Listen, this is your sister we're talking about. You have to have some idea of where she might be," I insisted.

Will sighed, shoving his hands into the pocket of his sweatshirt. "Look, Jill can take care of herself. She doesn't need a baby sitter," he told me.

"She's _nine_."

By then we were at the edge of the woods, near the armory. It was getting dark, and the wind was picking up.

"It's late," I observed when he didn't say anything. For the first time, he looked slightly anxious.

"This place is safe, though, isn't it?"

"From the outside, but some monsters lurk in the woods sometimes. She could get lost in the dark. Someone from camp could betray us and attempt to kill her." That last part wasn't meant to come out loud. I'm not even sure why I said it.

"Oh, gods, what if we can't find her?" He seemed hysterical now.

"Dude, chill." Note to self: never say 'dude' again. It makes you look like an idiot.

We just stood there in silence, when out of nowhere, something dropped from the trees. I caught a flashing glint of silver and a glimpse of a white mask.

"AAAAHHH!" we screamed simultaneously.

A figure stood in the dark, holding a knife. It stepped forward, and I let out a semi-girly squeak. In what little light there was, I realized that Michael Myers was going to kill us.

Michael advanced again, and Will tried to hide behind me. Nuh-uh, no way. I pushed him in front of me. Maybe Michael would be distracted by him…

Then Michael giggled. And fell to the ground, convulsing in laughter.

"What. The. Hades." I slowly approached the giggling maniac. When I was right next to him, I felt really stupid. The Michael Myers impersonator was short. And was wearing a purple dress and leggings. Plus, the knife was made of tin foil.

"Not funny, Jill," I said, pulling off the mask. She had an almost maniacal glint in her eyes, like she got high on pulling pranks. But she stood up and brushed the dead leaves out of her hair.

"Gods, Jill, don't scare us like that again!" Will was irritated, and understandably so. There he was, looking for his baby sister because he was worried about her, when BAM! She scares the crap out of him.

"You should have seen yall's faces!" she cackled, creeping me out a wee bit. She had a very distinct southern accent when she laughed.

"Yeah, yeah. Come on, Jace is taking us to meet our designated counselor, or something," Will told her, taking her arm and gripping it tightly.

I smiled nervously, thanking the gods that it was dark and my facial expressions were concealed. Okay, so I could lie on the spot, but upholding the lies I told was a completely different story altogether. In shorter words, I can't lie for long.

On the way back to Piper's cabin, I found some Aphrodite girl around my age. I grabbed her by the arm and dragged her along, as well.

"Jace."

"Yeah?"

"I thought we were meeting a counselor."

"I lied."

"Loser."

"Pay attention!" We both snapped our heads back in the direction of the daughter of Persephone. "Okay, so, our mission is to get Marley and Nico to get together."

Will made the mistake of rolling his eyes, which Piper noticed right off the bat. She had the eyes of hawk, ready to catch any movement. She smacked the back of his head with her replica of Dumbledore's wand. "OW!"

"Stop annoying me before I force you into a leotard and tights and take a picture and post it on facebook, because I can do that."

"It's best if you just listen to her," I whispered to him, to which he nodded.

"Wait, we're getting _Nico_ and _Marley_ together?" The daughter of Aphrodite had sat on the edge of what used to be Piper's twin sister's bed, her arms crossed over her chest, her blue eyes alert and focused.

"That's the plan," Piper confirmed.

"This should be pretty easy, then. Nico and I were talking after his fight with Marley and we decided to go to the party as friends because neither of us had dates," she told us. "I can make sure nobody approaches him at the party, if you want."

"_You _didn't get a date?" Will inquired incredulously. "Is that even possible?" The Aphrodite girl dropped her eyes to the floor, Jill giggled, and Piper just rolled her eyes.

"It happens, Will. Get over it. Okay, Rose, that is a good idea, but I need you to do something else." She leaned in close to Rose and whispered something in her ear. Whatever it was that she said, Rose liked it. She agreed wholeheartedly to the plan.

"Uh, what exactly is she doing?" I asked, raising my hand like I was the student and Piper was the teacher.

"I'm not telling you."

"Why not?" I whined.

"Because, you aren't a good spy. Plus you can't keep a lie going for very long. Marley and Nico would know what's up before they even got into their costumes." I pouted, but didn't push the subject further.

Gosh, it was depressing times like this that I wished for a tuna fish sandwich to cheer me up.

"Will, Jill, you guys need to keep watch at the front and back doors. We don't want either of them to leave. I'll make sure nobody, mainly female, talks to Nico. Jace, you'll be doing the same for Marley. Please, please, please try and keep your mouth shut tomorrow night. The existence of what little sanity I have left is at high stakes."

I nodded.

"So everybody knows their job?" Each camper nodded in turn. "Good. Now I have to approve everybody's costumes. Will? Jill?"

"We weren't supposed to be going, so we didn't think about it, much," Will explained. Piper grinned.

"That just means I'll have to come up with costumes for you."

"I already have one!" Jill announced loudly, startling me. When did that kid get so loud?

"Oh?" Piper asked. "And what would that be?"

"I'm gonna be Michael Myers." Piper grinned her approval.

"Good, good. Will, you can be… Edward Scissorhands!"

"No, he can't," Rose interjected. "That's Nico's costume. What about Jason? Or Spongebob?"

"I am NOT waltzing around camp dressed as a yellow sponge," Will said defiantly. "Can't I be Chuck Norris?"  
"I heard that Percy was going as Chuck Norris," I informed them. "You should go as Batman."

"Nuh-nuh, nuh-nuh, nuh-nuh, nuh-nuh! BATMAN!" Piper sang, giggling at the end. "It's decided. What about you, Rose?"

"I'll stick with the classic witch," she told her. Piper just stared at her, like it was the stupidest idea ever, but she didn't say anything, plastering on a fake smile that I knew practically killed her. She wanted to make this girl wear an interesting costume, but we needed her alliance with us.

"That's fine." She looked around the room, like she was looking for something. "Have I forgotten something? I feel like I missed something…"

I, of course, knew what she'd forgotten. I hoped she would, actually. If she was going to keep secrets about the plan, I was going to keep secrets about my costume. In fact, I don't think I'll even let you, the readers of this chapter, know what I'll be. Take THAT!

It's not as long as I'd like it to be, but I think I've kept you guys waiting long enough. I'm actually quite fond of this chapter, and next chapter will be written in Jace's POV as well. You can expect a sooner chapter, I swear! And I give you permission to leave as many annoying emails, PM's, and reviews as you wish until I do so. Really, when I get them, I feel guilty about depriving you guys the sheer awesomeness of this story.

For the readers that responded to my temporary author's note, thank you. You guys actually helped me get back on track. I wasn't even sure if people remembered what my story would be about. BrightBlueConverse, a sword, and Annabeth Supporter, you guys rock! Because you can't see me, I'm going to tell you that I'm giving you guys cyber-hugs. Oh, and jahfreenalam, I would have given you a shout out, too, but your review thoroughly confused me. It didn't answer any of my questions.

Anywho, you may review and receive your own cyber-hug!

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(For those of you who didn't read the author's note, I got a new arrow that will behave.)


	10. ASP

_**Piper Owens, Daughter of Persephone, Supreme Ruler of Candyland, etc., etc**_.

So, the evening started out as planned. Will guarded the front door of the Hermes cabin, and Jill sat in a chair that was placed on top of the trap door that led into the tunnels that ran underneath the entirety of Camp Half-Blood, and the one tunnel that lead out to the nearest Wal-Mart. Nobody would be going out that way, and nobody would be entering or leaving the place without Will's notice... that is, if he could stay awake. I'm quite certain that it was waaaay past his normal bedtime, if his drooping eyelids were anything to go by.

Marley and Ethan had just arrived, and from my hiding spot directly behind Nico's enormous head, I could see there would be trouble at some point this evening. Not for me, of course, because I'm too adorable to get in trouble, but for Ethan, because Marley could tell he'd be paying much more attention to the daughters of Aphrodite (thanks to Rose), who were all dressed in short black dresses and pointy hats with glittery bows. Marley would end up kicking the crap out of him at some point. That, and Nico just wanted to punch his guts out in general.

When Marley finally decided that all hope of having any little bit of fun with that stupid cotton-headed-ninny-muggins was lost, Jace went and started talking to her, which I really appreciated, cause, you know, I was busy working on the Nico situation, and couldn't be over there giving her the pep talk best friends give each other... at least I think that's what a best friend would do... Ah, well. Movies aren't 100% accurate all the time.

"Hi, Nico!" I said, trying to sound upbeat, which, of course, I always am.

"Hi," he said, tearing a napkin up into little shreds. Uh-oh, spaghettio. He was in a foul mood. I took it upon myself to fix it.

"You sound particularly glum this evening," I commented, pulling out a chair from the table he was sitting at. "Wanna talk about it?" He shook his head vigerously.

"No. Why would I want to talk about what a lousy time I'm having, because the girl I wanted to come with likes somebody else, and the girl I actually did come with has abandoned me?" He scowled in the general direction of the dance floor, seemingly mad at the world in general. "I hate parties. And I hate this stupid costume!"

I did have to give Rose her props. Nico's Edward Scissorhands costume was nearly perfect. He was dressed in black leather and he had gloves with real scissor blades on each finger. He also wore a black wig, with tangles of hair that stuck up in every direction. And the whole Son of Hades Ultimate Shade of Pale really worked with the outfit. Rose definitely had an eye for that kind of thing.

"I'm leaving." He made to get up from his seat, but I put a hand on his shoulder and forced him back down, and you know, that surprised him. I mean, how many girls can physically force Nico to sit down? It takes a lot of strength, I tell you, and a pulled muscle, but he doesn't need to know that, does he?

"No!" I said, standing and blocking his path to the door.

"Why not?" Now he was irritated.

"Because you and Marley need to make up, stupid!" It took a lot of will power for me to refrain saying make _out. _He gave me an incredulous look, like he couldn't believe I was actually saying what I was saying. "You guys are supposed to be friends, preferably soul mates, but that's not important right now. Most likely, Marley had no idea that you wanted to ask her to this party. She doesn't even know you like her, Nico, and it's obvious that you do, Marley is just an idiot when it comes to stuff like that.

Nico stared at me, flabbergasted.

"Go and apologize to her. She's having a lousy time tonight, too." Nico's eyes darted over to where Marley sat in the corner of the room, putting on a great show of acting like she wasn't depressed. But I could see right through her phony act, and, apparently, so could Nico.

Nico's dark eyes, cold and distant just a moment ago, softened just a bit. "What's got her upset?" he asked, almost hesitantly, like he didn't want to know.

"Ethan's ignored her since they walked in. She's over there," I said, pointing. "Jace is with her. But he's probably annoying her right now."

He nodded in agreement, pushing past a bunch of campers to get to the other side of the room. I smiled after him. When he wanted to, he could be very sweet. Marley needed someone like him to be her friend.

Seeing as my mission was complete, I made a beeline for the food. There was some delectable chocolate cake earlier, and I hadn't gotten nearly enough of it.

Once I had stowed away six or seven slices in Tupperware containers I had stashed in my bag (I planned this sort of thing), I noticed an abnormally short person standing next to me. And even more, the abnormally short person, who shall be known as ASP in the future, was wearing something of mine that I hold very dearly in my heart. No, it's not the earings my grandma gave me for my tenth birthday, but the old ghost costume that I've had forever.

"Um, excuse me, but who are you and why have you stolen my costume?" I asked. A small hand slipped out from underneath the fabric of the white sheet and pulled it off of ASP's head, or, as I should say, Jill's head. She wore a slightly frightened expression. I probably looked ready to kill.

"Hi…" Yes, definitely ready to kill.

"Jill? Aren't you supposed to be guarding the trap door? And who gave you permission to go inside my cabin? How did you even get in there? You need the password," I rambled. I was confused. That costume had been hidden away in a small cache under my bed. It had a voice activation pass word, meaning it would only open if I said the password.

"Well... It's all Will's fault, really. I didn't do anything especially bad, but he took my Jason costume and dropped it in the lava pit underneath the Rock Climbing Wall. And I didn't have anything else to wear, and I was telling Jace, and he said you had a whole bunch of cool costumes, so he took me to go look..." Jill bit her lip.

"Did it have to be this one? I've worn it every year since I was six!"

"It was the only one that fit," she explained. Curiosity filled her face. "Why didn't you wear it this year?"

"Yesterday, the Rice Krispies told me that it was time to change it up a bit. I now see that they are really just lying, stealing turd monkeys!" I huffed. I was angry! I wanted to sue! But, sadly, that would have to wait. "Quick, cover up before someone sees you."

Jill vanished underneath the white sheet, and her ghostly form drifted over to the dance floor, where someone dressed as Darth Vader whisked her away for a dance. I giggled. It would be some surprise for whoever it was when they found out she was only nine, and not just some ASP.

Then, so suddenly that I didn't have time to process it at first, the lights blew out, the glass bulbs shattering and falling to the ground. Somebody screamed, and people were running every which way. Someone plowed into me, throwing me off-balance and sending me hurtling to the floor. I was kicked at a few times, the inflictor probably thinking I was a giant bug. I must say, it hurt quite a bit. I'd have bruises on my ribcage in the morning.

When I finally made it out of the cabin, I could tell that something was wrong. For one thing, it was unseasonably cold out, cold enough for a few inches of snow to accumulate on the ground. That was one thing out of the ordinary. Another was that Rachel, our Oracle, who usually kept to herself up in her cave, painting her life away, was there.

Her hair was out of its usual ponytail, flaming locks billowing around her shoulders in the breeze. Her posture was perfect, so that she seemed regal, holding herself like a queen. Hat image, however, was torn away by her attire. She was dressed in a pair of pink flannel pajamas from Victoria's Secret, and a pair of cheap bunny slippers that you could find at Wal-Mart.

Her eyes, wide and unblinking, were alight with a creepy glow given off by the unattractive radioactive green color. But I didn't speak my opinion, because I wasn't sure that the Oracle of Delphi would appreciate that comment. And I'm not sure what kind of magic the Oracle has, but I was certain she could do some real damage if somebody made her mad enough.

She seemed to be searching for something, walking through the mass of demigods. Finally, she had found it. Will was turned away from he; he hadn't realized that she was even there. He let out a girlish squeak when she grabbed his shoulder and spun him around.

Rachel held him in a tight grip, digging her nails into his shoulders and staring at him with such an intensity that would have made a pro wrestler squeamish. The whole camp had gone silent in anticipation. They knew what Rachel's appearance meant. Her mouth opened, and green fumes wafted out. I had to remind myself that it wasn't bad breath, and that she didn't need a piece of gum.

_"Failure occurs on All Hallows Eve,_

_The result of North's planned retrieve._

_Son of Wind must follow his kin_

_Toward the Palace with Snow within._

_Brother of four shall reveal Wind's daughter,_

_Only one can achieve his slaughter."_

**Hello, hello, hello! How many of you want to bash my head in for not updating in, like, two whole months? My guess is most of you, and I know for a fact that Banana Smoothie wants to, because she told me so. But she can't do anything about it because she doesn't live in the same city as me, anymore! But then again, she is visiting on New Year's Eve… *gulp***

**So, I finally got the prophecy! And it rhymes! I'm so proud of myself. I will have you know that I've already started my next chapter, so there won't be as long of a wait. Plus, I got a laptop from Santa for Christmas, so that means I don't have to battle my brother for domination of the home computer anymore. =) YAY!**

**And, now that my mindless rant is out of the way, I'd appreciate it if you'd review. So, there's this really cool contraption that I just love…**

**CLICK IT!**

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**FELIZ NAVIDAD!**


	11. Essential Advice

**Hello, hello, hello! How are the most wonderful reviewers in the world doing today? Hopefully good enough to leave me lots of reviews on this chapter, considering I got hardly any for last chapter. =( Oh, well. Maybe if I do a supermegafoxyawesomehot chapter for you, you will be kind enough to do so. On with the story!**

_**Will Lombardi, Son of… Wind?**_

In general, I'm not afraid of much. Heights? No problem. Spiders? Only girls are afraid of those (unless you count the sons of Athena). But when the meaning of the prophecy sunk in, I was so scared that I couldn't move. I think 'petrified' was the word.

I hadn't remembered moving, but when I woke up from whatever trance I was in, I was sitting on a cold, metal folding chair, as were several other campers, mostly in their teens, around a ping pong table. They were all staring at me, and I stared back blankly.

Nico, who sat to my right, elbowed me in the ribs. I gave him a questioning glance, and he mouthed something at me. Now, either I'm really bad at reading lips, or Nico was telling me to rewrite the monopoly. When he saw that I didn't get what he was trying to say, he whispered hurriedly, "Recite the prophecy."

I stood up quickly, tipping my chair over backwards in the process. A pretty girl from the Aphrodite cabin suppressed giggles by placing her hand over her mouth. Two identical guys from the Hermes cabin didn't bother to conceal their amusement. I could feel my face burning with embarrassment.

Taking a deep breath, I launched into the prophecy. "Failure occurs on All Hallows Eve, the result of North's planned retrieve," I said shakily. I took another deep breath to continue, but the girl sitting next to me started talking.

"Obviously, something happened," she stated, tucking a piece of blonde hair behind her ear. She was dressed up in an old fashioned dress complete with hoop skirts and ruffles. I looked around the room again. Everybody was still wearing their Halloween costumes. This was probably the weirdest meeting ever. A bunch of teenagers dressed as monsters and movie characters sitting around a ping pong table discussing a creepy poem that some psycho chick spouted out after my sister got kidnapped. Yeah, I had a feeling that even here, where gods and goddesses exist and kids have magical powers, even this situation was a little weird. "But why was it a failure? Whoever it was got away with the girl, and we have no leads."

"Why was it planned?" said Percy Jackson, war hero and camp legend, from the other side of the blonde. "She wasn't trained or anything, she wasn't even claimed."

"What about the part about North?" asked a rather unattractive girl with stringy brown hair and an air about her that practically screamed "Don't mess with me or die!" I had no problem believing that she could pummel me to a pulp if she wanted. "Is it like the Civil War? North vs. south?"

"I highly doubt that, Clarisse, but it's wise to keep an open mind." I just about jumped three feet in the air. I hadn't realized Chiron was standing right behind me. "The next few lines, William?"

I nodded. "Son of Wind must follow his kin, to the palace with Snow within." Once again, the conversation picked up.

"The girl was unclaimed. We don't even know if she has siblings," piped up the Aphrodite girl.

That's when Nico jumped into the mass of chaotic mumblings and musings. "In case nobody has come to this conclusion yet, Will was her full-blooded brother, and the prophecy _was _given to him. I think that he should lead the quest." My eyes widened. A quest? Nobody said anything about going on a quest. Quests were for brave people, like Percy and his girlfriend, not some eleven year old kid.

Several nods of agreement circulated around the room. Did they honestly think that I could pull this off? Because I wasn't so sure. I could barely keep a small house plant alive, and the house plant was artificial.

"I believe the rest of the prophecy is pretty self-explanatory, so it is settled. William Lombardi will lead the quest to rescue his sister, Jillian Lombardi. He will be given all of tomorrow to choose his companions, and will leave early Sunday morning to depart. Any questions?"

"Why are we waiting so long to leave? A lot can happen in a day and a half." I hadn't planned on saying anything, really, but the words slipped out of my mouth before I could think about them.

"One must consider carefully who to choose as companions for a quest," Chiron replied calmly. I wished he wouldn't be so calm.

"That's stupid. I can choose who's coming with me right now, and we can leave tomorrow morning," I replied. I could finally feel the anxiety coming on. Jill was missing. She could be dead, as horrifying as the thought seemed, and I had to wait around to save her. No. Absolutely not.

"But it's necessary," Chiron tried, but I shook my head.

"I already know who I'm taking with me."

"And you've considered them to be your greatest assets? Are they people you trust your life with? Would you be willing to protect them, should the need arise?" I nodded.

The whole room had gone silent, watching me tell Chiron that, no, I wouldn't wait for something to happen to my sister while I sat around trying to make a couple of decisions.

"I choose Nico di Angelo and Jace Greyson."

"I accept," Nico said, nodding in my direction. I smiled gratefully.

Chiron only shook his head at me, like he thought I was being really stupid but didn't have the power to stop me. "Very well. Mr. Solace, if you would inform your brother of his position on the quest?" A kid with gold blond hair nodded, standing up and exiting the room. "This meeting is adjourned."

Everybody stood and began talking at once, but I stayed behind. I waved Nico away when he lagged behind. Whoever had the nerve to take my sister was going to pay dearly.

Pack the essentials? What does that even mean? Travis and Connor Stoll, the Hermes cabin counselors, had given me this piece of advice. How does one pack the essentials for a life threatening mission that could prove to be fatal? Do I pack a machine gun? A tent? Food? Or do I just pack a change of clothes, a wad of cash, and my toothbrush?

Being a half-blood sucked, I decided. When you aren't training until you feel like your butt might fall off, you're putting your life in danger. I was too young to die. I hadn't even had a girlfriend yet! (And Mindy Cecil did not count, because it was kindergarten.)

"You look stressed. You should do something fun," a voice suggested from behind me. "OOOHH! I KNOW! You can let me shave your head so I can prove to Nico that you ARE an Air Bender!"

"Piper," I said, sighing heavily. I turned to face her. She was leaning against the wall next to my bunk, a Harry Potter book under one arm and what looked like a bag full of leftover Halloween candy from last night. "I'm not going to let you shave my head. Stop asking."

"NEVER! But that's not why I'm here. When are we leaving for the quest? I need to know if I have time to take a nap. Being as awesome as I am, it's a wonder I don't drop dead from exhaustion." She flipped her bangs out of her face dramatically.

"Um…" How do I do this? "Piper, you, well, uh… you aren't going… on the quest?" It came out more like a question, but it still got Piper's attention.

"Of course I'm going! Who gave you the silly idea that I wouldn't? Besides, I'm your greatest asset."

"No offense, or anything, but… you're a girl. You aren't tough enough," I said, desperately trying to get her to leave me alone.

Piper was… strange, to say the least. Whenever she was around, I became awkward, and I tended to stammer. It wasn't my fault that Piper was a pretty girl! Even though she was a weird pretty girl… like that Looney Girl in the fifth Harry Potter movie. Pretty, but strange.

"So glad you finally noticed," she replied sarcastically, but smiled nonetheless. "So, tell me, when are we leaving?"

"You aren't coming with me, Piper."

What happened next was very unexpected and unpredictable. Piper got right up in my face and clutched my shirt in her fist, lifting me right off of the ground. "Tell. Me. Now." I'll admit it. I was scared, but only slightly. She was really freaking me out, though.

"Okay! Okay! We're leaving tomorrow morning at five!" I said, seriously wondering how she could be so… forceful.

Piper smiled and dropped me so that I landed on my feet. "Awesome. See you then."

I watched her leave the cabin, skipping and humming the Harry Potter theme song as she went. I knew there was a reason that I secretly worshipped her.

**Hm… short, but it's here, so I can't complain too much. You guys, however, can, so I'm gonna get started on the next chapter ASAP. **

**I know that The Lost Hero came out forever ago, and I read it a couple of months ago, but I just recently came to the conclusion that Rick Riordan and I are running on the same brain wavelength. Jason Grace. Jace Greyson. Piper McLean. Piper Owens. And another part of plot in TLH that I can't reveal because it will give away my plot. I just want to say that I am not, in any way, trying to rip off Rick Riordan. I'm NOT stealing his plot. Just saying.**

**Okay, next chapter will either be Piper or Marley. Most likely Piper. Because Marley is kind of annoying me. She doesn't seem worthy of Nico anymore when I really think about it. Whatever.**

**OH! And I have a Tratie fic up! It's actually a series of oneshots, but it's called Farmville Notifications. You should read it. **

**Reviews are greatly appreciated! And they will also be rewarded with a free box of Toaster Strudel! =)**

**TOASTER STRUDEL IS RIGHT…**

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**HERE!**

**(Did I spell Toaster Strudel right? Tell me if I didn't.)**


	12. Frosty and Frostina

**Soooo…. Remember when I said I'd be updating soon? Heh, heh… I lied, and I feel absolutely TERRIBLE about it. Forgive me? Well, even if you don't, I'll still give you this chapter which I started on April 11****th****, 2011, so let's see how long it takes me to finish, eh? Well, now that I'm done rambling about non-important matters, I do believe it's time for a little Piper.**

_**Piper Owens, daughter of Persephone, Vender of Foreign Chocolates, Persuasive Letter Writer, etc. (Etc. meaning many other awesome things that she didn't have the attention span to submit to the amazing author of this story)**_

Let me just start off by saying that there is a legitimate reason that I don't get up early most days. When I don't get a solid eleven hours of sleep, I'm not in my right mind… not that I'm _ever_ in my right mind, but still. So when I was up at the crack of dawn on Sunday morning, after hitting snooze on all seventeen of my alarm clocks, I found myself in the girls' bathroom, a pair of purple safety scissors in one hand and the other fingering my hair.

I hadn't planned on doing something so… drastic, I suppose, but as the scissors snipped away at my hair, I didn't really give a rat's patooty. A clump of hair dropped to the sink.

I stared at it for a moment, and then glanced at my reflection. My new bangs were still a little long, and definitely uneven. And, right as I was about to even them out, Marley chose to waltz into the bathroom, twirling and waving her electric toothbrush around like a fairy's wand.

"Howdy!" I said, because I had watched Toy Story the night before, and I couldn't help but act like Woody in that moment.

Marley stopped short, blushing. When she finally regained her composure, she noticed my new bangs, judging by the confused expression glued to her face. Then, she glanced down to my right hand, clutching the scissors.

"Piper, drop the scissors," she said warily, as if I might stab her on accident.

You must know me well enough to know by now that sharp objects and myself are an equation for disaster. You can look back at my life and find many examples of this. I remember when I was six, and I'd found a rusty old screw driver lying around. I was playing with it, pretending it was a sword, and one thing led to another and BAM! Callie got stabbed in the arm. Later, at the ER while Callie was getting her tetanus shot, I found a box of unused syringes… and, well… it's not like I _meant _to hurt that little boy, but it happened.

Fast forward to when I was nine and I chopped off the end of my piggy toe with a steak knife, but I won't go into that story, as that is for another time and place. But, like I said, I'm not exactly what you'd call trustworthy with sharp and/or pointy objects, and Marley knew this well.

Sighing, I nodded, dropping the scissors into the sink, where they landed with a light _clink_ against the porcelain, right next to the clump of curly brown hair. Marley walked towards me, setting her toothbrush on the counter and reaching for the scissors. In a few expert snips, she had evened out my bangs.

"Hey, Marley?" I said, once she had finished brushing her teeth. She gargled some water and spit into the basin.

"Huh?"

"You ready for the quest?"

She gave me a strange look, then, as if I was Brittany Spears and I'd shaved my head. "Piper, we aren't going on a quest."

I rolled my eyes. So typical. She would always be a step behind me in the art of awesomeness. "Of course we are, silly! We have to go along, because three boys on a road trip won't last ten minutes without a woman's guidance, and I'm woman enough for the job. Besides, I know that you just can't stand being away from Nico for very long, and by the looks of it, this will be a long quest." Marley made to protest, but I cut her off, because whatever argument she had been about to make was false in all ways. "Oh, yes, I know all about your ginormous crush on Nico. In fact, I knew about it before you did, and before Nico did, for that matter. But it's okay, because he's basically in love with you."

"Piper, you're rambling again."

"Dobby's Sock! I really do need to get out of that habit."

"And I'm not crashing Will's quest, either! In case you haven't noticed, it's due to your meddling that Jill was kidnapped, so I really think we need to just leave this alone!" she exclaimed, waving her arms around emphatically like a possessed chicken that just recently discovered that it had been fixed, although why anyone would neuter a chicken is beyond me.

And while I agreed whole-heartedly with it being my fault, it was also up to me to fix the mess I'd gotten Jill into. I needed to cancel out my wrong-doing with right-doing.

Plus, I didn't want to go alone, so Marley was obligated to go with me. "What if I…" I said, trailing off as I rummaged through my pocket, "gave you foreign chocolate?"

"Are you seriously trying to bribe me?" Marley asked, deadpanned.

"Yeah. So, here is… the wrapper to what used to be a Swiss chocolate bar, but I have more in my cabin! I promise!" I said, upon realizing that I'd already eaten that chocolate bar. Somehow, I'd forgotten.

"No."

"Wait! I'll write you a letter. I'm good at that!" I tried desperately, latching myself onto her arm in an attempt to keep her from walking out the door."

"And what good will a well-written letter do?"

"Psh, you doubt my persuasive-ness? Dear Marley, you want to go on Will's quest. The End. Sincerely, Piper."

"Piper."

"I'll go on the quest with you."

"Really?"

"No." Marley snickered when my face fell. "Look, I honestly hope they find Jill. I really do. But I don't think there is anything we can do to help."

"Uh, there kind of is…" I said, and when Marley raised a questioning eyebrow, I told her everything I knew.

You see, my dear readers, when I went to sleep on Friday night, shortly after returning from eavesdropping in on the meeting regarding Jill's disappearance, I went to sleep. Now, I knew that it was sort of my fault. I mean, if I'd left Jill alone and not forced her to help me in my devious plot to get my two best friends together, then she'd have been safe.

But then I was dreaming, and I knew that it really, truly was my fault. In my dream, I was cold. Like, freezing. I stood in a huge room the size of a football field, and despite there being a roof over my head, snow fell from the ceiling, the fat flakes of white, wintery designs accumulating on the cold marble floor. Tall windows of clear-cut glass lined the two longest walls, leading to a raised platform, on which stood two majestic thrones made entirely of what looked like ice. Behind me, there was a huge, arching doorway with ice cycles longer than I was tall hanging precariously from their perch.

Suddenly, a man that greatly resembled Jack Frost stormed through the arch, outraged, while a woman clad in white trailed along behind him, looking smug. The man was tall and muscular, with pale skin and elfin features. His eyes were the iciest shade of blue I'd ever seen.

"The wrong girl! You told me the one I wanted would be dressed as a ghost! I grabbed the only ghost at that dratted party, and got the wrong girl!" the man vented upon reaching the thrones at the end of the hall, where he began pacing furiously.

The woman, seeming to bite pack laughter, sat on the smaller of the thrones, throwing her legs over the armrest and crossing her ankles. "How was I to know that the girl would lend her costume to someone else?"

Frosty glared at the woman. She was beautiful, with white-blond hair and bright blue eyes, with a much warmer personality than that of the man. She wore a long sleeved white gown that sparkled like crystals. Her face was thin, also with elfin features, and she wore silver nail polish, which she was currently picking at.

"The way I see it, you should stop kidnapping little girls. Surely you've learned your lesson after last time?" the woman said, after a long silence.

"Oh, shut up. I will have Piper Owens as my newest bride if it's the last thing I do!" Frostina rolled her eyes at his words, but my reaction had been far from it. That old creep? Marry ME? MARRY me? Uh, no thank you.

But then I thought, wait, this guy kidnapped Jill, thinking it was me. So then I absolutely knew it was my fault. How could it not be? If only I'd hidden that costume away, in some nook or cranny that a nine year old girl could not have reached, or just not have forced her to be my minion, then none of this would have ever happened. But it did, and I couldn't do anything about it. That is, until I made up my mind that it was my duty to save her.

Marley, bless her, was a wonderful listener. She didn't interrupt, only speaking when I had finished. "Okay, I can see why you have to go," she said slowly, thinking hard. "But why do I have to go?"

I gave her a knowing smile. "Because, silly, I would have to hide in the back of the van until we got to New York City, and that's a long drive. I would get lonely."

"… So, about that foreign chocolate?"

**My goodness, this was short, and it's absolutely unacceptable that it's so short after how many months? I wouldn't be surprised if those of you that put this story on alert have already forgotten what it was about, and you will be wondering what the heck is clogging up your inbox…**

**Well, moving on…. I'd like to thank all my reviewers and those of you that have favorite and put this on alert. It motivates me just a little more each time I get an email announcing things like that, plus it gives me a confidence boost. Not that my ego needs to get any bigger, but still. ;)**

**Now, I know you still love me just enough to give me a review, am I right?**

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**REVIEWS ARE ACCEPTED HERE!**


	13. Exemplary Spy Skills

**Dear Kasey,**

**I hadn't thought about that, but now I'll be wary of people who want to stab me with spoons. It actually sounds quite painful. Also, you need to make a FF account. =)**

**Sincerely,**

**Me.**

**Okay, people! Are you ready for the actual chapter? Because I sure am. This is monumental, historic even. This is the event of the century (more like the event of the week)! So, yeah. Read it. Like it. Add it to your favorite stories. Review it. =)**

_**Marley Kromer, Daughter of Dionysus, Now Hiring For Position of Lying Coach**_

Really, and truly, I question where my rationality goes when met with a particularly difficult situation. Because, truly, squatting in a bush while Piper is where the gods would only know was not the smartest decision I'd made in the last twenty four hours, to say the least. Especially because the grass was dry and brown under the bush, and it was giving me a rash. I needed some Benadryl.

I'd been waiting there for a total of five minutes, and I was, like, dead tired. So, I'd been dozing off for a while when suddenly I heard somebody near my bush. This was when I started awake. I wasn't exactly exemplary of worthy spy skills. So when I sort of half-tumbled-half-fell out of the bush, I found myself at the feet of a very surprised looking Jace.

"What are you doing?" he asked, looking merely curious and not surprised at all.

"Um… I lost an earring?"

"Your ears aren't pierced, though."

"I know, uh, I was just on my way to the Aphrodite cabin to do get them done, and I dropped my earrings that I had brought with me," I said, hoping he'd buy the lie. Clearly, though, he didn't.

"At 6:30 am? Yeah, right, he said, crossing his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow. "It's no use trying to lie to me, you know. My dad is the god of truths, among other things."

I glared at the grass, huffing.

"Wanna tell me what you were really doing in that bush?"

I looked around, to see if anybody [read Piper] was around. "Well, if you must know, Piper and I are crashing your quest. Only don't tell anyone I told you, especially Piper. And you had better be able to lie for longer than a half hour, this time, too!"

"Gosh, does_ everyone_ have to hold that against me?" he asked, throwing his hands up in the air. "Nobody seems to realize that I kept a huge secret, just days ago. Nobody!"

"What secret?" I asked, intrigued. Nobody tells me anything anymore.

"The fact that I was in on getting you and Nico together at the Halloween party the other night," he answered.

"Uh, Nico and I aren't… together," I told him, rather awkwardly. I could feel my face and neck heating up, turning pink.

"You're not? Goodness! After all the trouble we go through, you two still haven't figured out you like each other?"

If I thought I was embarrassed before, I was really embarrassed now, skin turning a blotchy red. "I guess not," I mumbled. "Just, don't tell anyone we're following you guys. Okay?"

Jace, looking irritated, just nodded and walked away, and it was then that I noticed he had a backpack resting between his shoulder blades. They were leaving soon, I realized. Piper had better hurry up, I thought to myself.

^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^

As it turned out, Piper showed up just a couple of minutes later, sporting two backpacks, one filled with a ton of my clothes that she had apparently been stashing for a while, in the event that I ever up and left camp unannounced and so she could bring me junk when I needed her help, because I obviously would need her help. Her words, not mine.

She also, oddly, carried a Nerf machine gun.

"It's your weapon of choice."

"But I didn't choose it," I told her. "Besides, a foam bullet isn't going to kill a monster. If it did, I'm sure fighting monsters would be a lot more fun."

"Firstly, I know you didn't choose it. It chose you, like the wand chooses the wizard. Besides, it's probably the only weapon you can use without killing yourself and your allies in the process. Secondly, a normal Nerf gun wouldn't, but this one is special."

"How so?"

"It has celestial bronze tipped bullets. Unfortunately, there is a limited number of bullets, but you can always collect them when you finish killing the monster. So yeah." She tossed the gun into my arms.

"This thing is huge. How am I supposed to carry this thing around on a quest?" I asked, feeling how heavy it was.

"OH! Right, I forgot to tell you! I had the Hephaestus cabin tinker with it, and when you push this button," she said, pointing at a small blue button with a silver hammer painted on it near the trigger, "it'll fold in on itself until it looks like this…" she pressed the button, and the gun started to compact itself, scaring me so that I dropped it.

I watched, transfixed, as the Nerf gun disguised itself as a stick of deodorant, and it was boys' deodorant at that. I gave Piper a look.

"What? It's not like I chose what it would disguise itself as."

^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^

So, like I said before, I wasn't exactly exemplary of my worthy spy skills, or my shut-the-heck-up-or-they'll-hear-us skills, for that matter. But, I must express how strongly I believe that it was all Piper's fault.

The van had been relatively quiet for a long time. Piper and I were hiding out in the cargo area of the vehicle, after successfully bribing Argus, the hundred-eyed man in charge of camp security, with a heavy bag of drachmas. Nico, Jace, and Will were all snoozing, I was certain, because they were all lightly snoring. But the disruption was totally Piper's fault.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU FORGOT THE CHOCOLATE?"

I told you so.

We felt the van swerve unexpectedly, and lurch to a halt. We could hear the doors opening and closing, and loud footsteps running on asphalt. The back doors of the van swung open to reveal a pale Will, an amused Jace, and an astonished Nico.

I glanced at Piper for guidance, but she seemed just as lost for words as I was, so, breaking the awkward tension in the group, I raised my hand and wiggled my fingers, saying, "Hiya."

Nico snapped out of his shock, an angry glare replacing it. "What the Hades are you guys doing here?" he demanded, pointing at us accusingly.

"Well, obviously we are sitting in the back of a van, parked in the emergency lane of an interstate road, being interrogated by you. What else?" Piper asked, climbing out of the van.

Nico turned a brilliant shade of red. "I meant," he said, obviously trying to hold himself together so that he wouldn't spontaneously combust, "Why did you follow us?"

"Oh, yeah. We're going on the quest with you guys. Hope you don't mind."

This is when Will decided to speak up. "Of course I minded! I thought that was made clear before you practically forced me to tell you when we were leaving!"

Nico turned on him. "You _knew_ they were coming?" he hissed.

"Well, I thought it was only Piper coming…"

"And you didn't say anything?"

"No…"

Nico turned on Jace. "What about you? Did you know?"

Jace looked to the ground and muttered something about a bush. Nico glared. Piper looked confused. "How did Jace find out?" she asked.

"Well, he klind of found me this morning, and he didn't believe my earring story…" I said, avoiding looking at Nico.

"You don't have pierced ears!"

"I said I was going to get them pierced!"

"At 6:30 in the morning?"

"ENOUGH!"

I glanced at Nico meekly.

"Did everyone know about this but me?" He was answered with a chorus of yeah's and kinda's. If that glare of his could get any more murderous, we'd all be dead at that moment. He turned on his heel and stalked away from our little group and further down the road.

"Guys, do you think he's angry?" Piper asked curiously, staring after him.

I just gave her a look.

"Yeah, he's angry," she continued. "Ooh, he just kicked a rock… he's definitely frustrated… and… a little betrayed… Guys, do you think we should have told him we were coming?"

While Jace and I just stared at her, Will spoke up. "I think that you guys should have stayed at camp, where he knew you'd be safe, like he told you to."

"And since when have I ever done anything that Nico tells me to do? He can't boss me around!" Piper declared. "I should lecture him about that."

"Why don't you hold off on that until he calms down a bit, eh?" Jace said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and steering her towards the van. Will followed without a word. "Marley, you coming?"

"In a minute, I'm gonna talk to Nico." Jace gave me a sympathetic glance before ducking into the van. I turned toward Nico, who had taken a seat in the grass, muttering in an angst-y way and pulling up poor, defenseless blades of grass. I approached him.

"What do you want?" he demanded without even looking up. I sighed and plopped down in the grass next to him.

"To say I'm sorry?"

"Sorry really doesn't do much good here. It doesn't help your case at all, really."

"Well, did you really expect us to stay there, wondering if you guys might die?" I asked.

"What if _you_ die? As much as my father likes you, I'm not so sure he'd take well to me bargaining for your soul," he replied, finally looking at me. He didn't seem angry anymore, just defeated. "I care about you too much to let you get killed."

I wasn't sure what to say to that.

"But now that Piper's here, there's no making her go back, and you'd both kill me if I tried to make you go back, so I guess you guys can stick around." He offered grin, showing me that I was forgiven, to which I grinned back. I was tired of fighting with Nico. I wanted to try and stay on good terms with him-at least as long as two stubborn people could stay on good terms with each other. Sometimes things just don't stay peaceful for long.

We stood, brushing the grass off of us and walking back to the van.

^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^

Argus dropped us off at a random corner in the middle of a city that I didn't know the name of, with bustling pedestrians out on their lunch breaks and vendors selling everything from cheap sunglasses to fake jewelry that made your skin turn green to hotdogs and newspapers. Traffic was jammed, and the streets were noisy with the sounds of honking cars and people shouting into their cell phones.

Our group shuffled into a small café to plot our next move. We settled into a vinyl booth with a checkered table and ordered sandwiches and sodas.

**Sooo… who really wants to kick my butt for not updating in, like, forever? I sure do. Even though that would be awkward, because, let's face** **it. It's pretty darn hard to kick your own butt. **

**Anyhow, reviews are greatly appreciated and all that jazz. **

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**O.o**


	14. If You Give a Goddess an Apple

**Hey, guys! *uses Edward Cullen cutout to shield self from tomatoes***

**So, funny story. Two weeks after my last update, my good friend, Banana Smoothie killed me because I was taking so long. And my other good friend, Annie, whose penname escapes my mind at the moment, went on an epic journey with the famous knight, Sir Sandwich Slicer. Together they found the Vegetarian Sandwich of Eternal Youth and Resurrection! And here I am, x number of months later, updating! Fantastic, it isn't?**

**Ah, well. Enough of the excuses. I present to you the next installment of **_**Oh, the Irony**_**!**

_**Jace Grayson, Son of Apollo, Seriously Impressed by Piper's Abilities**_

I stared. How was it possible? If I were a robot, it would not compute. Actually, it doesn't compute anyway. It shouldn't be physically possible, but somehow, Piper has done it. Maybe she secretly practices voodoo magic.

Somehow, she had managed to stack the salt shaker on the pepper shaker, and the little dish of sugar packets on top of that, and the desert menu on top. That takes skillz. Fo shizzle. As if she sensed my terrible gangsta' impression, Piper looked at me suspiciously.

I quit staring and started doodling on my paper napkin. Starship Rangers had just landed in Africa with cans of spam to feed the needy children when our waitress slammed our drinks onto the table, sloshing some of my root beer onto my napkin, and all but the head of one kid melted away. Sadness.

The girl was in her early twenties, with auburn hair pulled back into a messy bun. Her skin was sprinkled with a million freckles. Or possibly more. I was too lazy to count. She scowled at us and muttered something under her breath. I could have sworn she said, "These guys again." Or maybe it was "Three pies for Ben." I couldn't be sure, really, but if it was the latter, Ben was a very lucky person, indeed.

"Welcome to Benny's 24-Hour Breakfast. Our special today is our Pig-In-A-Poke," she said in a disgusted way, like Pigs-In-Pokes were the most undesirable food you could possibly imagine.

"Of what does this 'Pig-In-A-Poke' consist of?" Piper asked curiously.

"Pillsbury croissants wrapped around sausage links with a cup of syrup to dip it in. Are you going to order?"

"I want five of those," Piper said excitedly. She glanced around the table. "Well? Are you guys going to order or what?"

While Marley settled for pancakes, Nico and Will for biscuits and gravy, I decided on a nice, fluffy stack of waffles. Yum. Our grumpy waitress stalked off toward the kitchen with our order.

"She's in a bad mood," Piper announced.

"She seems familiar…" Marley said, nodding her head, like she was agreeing with herself.

I glanced down at my drawing. It could have been a masterpiece in a hundred years. Hm. Maybe it could be a surrealism type of thing. Jace Grayson, Surrealist, Coolest Man known to Man, etc. Yes, I quite like that title.

"IKNOWWHEREI'VE SEENHERBEFORE!" I was jolted from my daydream of myself looking off into the distance, a red cape flowing behind me, paintbrush in one hand, electric guitar in the other, when Marley shouted.

Other people around the restaurant stared at us. They were probably wondering what five kids were doing in a café in New York at 11:30 on a Monday. They probably thought we were cutting school. Too bad they did not know that we could possibly be saving their lives. Maybe. Not really. No. We were just on a rescue mission.

As they started to turn away and resume eating their food, Nico turned to his probably-girlfriend and asked, "And how did you draw that conclusion?"

"Remember, back at that McDonald's? When I went after Lexa, and you guys caught up with me there? Our waitress was the cashier! I remember, because she checked my money to see if it was counterfeit!"

"And this is important because?" Marley swatted at Nico.

"Well, what if it's not a coincidence?" she asked, looking around the table for backup. Will shifted nervously in his seat. I just sat there, looking like a confused idiot, I'm sure. Piper seemed to be the only one who understood any of what was going on.

"Rien n'est encore arrivé, ma chère," she said. We all looked at her blankly. Then she seemed to realize that she wasn't speaking English. "Nothing has happened yet, my dear. Sorry. Sometimes I get so excited, I speak in French!" She said this like it was the most exciting thing ever.

Ignoring her oddities, Nico moved on. "Piper's right. There hasn't been an attack yet, and it probably is just a coincidence. No worries."

"Hakuna Matata! It's a wonderful-hmph!" Will had clamped his hand over Piper's mouth in an attempt to stop her from singing Disney songs. Rookie mistake. Only half a second later did Will pull his hand back like Piper's face had burned him.

"She licked me!" he exclaimed, staring at his hand like it would grow weird anomalies because it came in contact with Piper's saliva.

"What else did you expect?" Piper asked, rolling her eyes. Then she spotted the waitress walking toward us with a tray of food. "Oh, food!"

Once our plates had been set down in front of us, the waitress slid in the booth next to me. "Are you guys insane?"

Apart from being mildly shocked at being addressed this way, I was… uncomfortable. She was really close to me. Like, REALLY close. I could smell her shampoo. It was sort of minty.

"Yes," Piper said with a straight face, cutting up her Pig-In-A-Poke calmly. "I thought that much was obvious."

The waitress glared at Piper. "Do not joke, Piper Owens."

"I told you it wasn't a coincidence," Marley whispered into Nico's ear.

"Um, who are you?" Will looked sheepish when the waitress's gaze fell on him. It was kind of pathetic, actually. His shoulders were hunched, his hand raised halfway, like a teacher had caught him asking a stupid question.

"I am Eris, Goddess of Strife and Discord," she responded coolly.

"No offense, but what are you doing in a dump like this?" Nico asked suddenly, his eyes suspicious. Eris grinned cruelly.

"I suppose you know about the Trojan War, and how it started?"

"There was a wedding, right? And you weren't invited. So you showed up anyway and threw an apple-"

"An apple?" Will interjected. Eris glared at him, her dark brown eyes like burning coals. Piper flicked his ear from across the table.

Nico continued. "So you threw an apple with the words 'For the Fairest' on it at the goddesses who were invited."

"Yes, very good, Son of Hades. "Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite fought over it. To settle the argument, Zeus sent them to Paris of Troy to see who my apple really belonged to. He chose Aphrodite, of course, and in return, Aphrodite made the most beautiful mortal woman in the world fall in love with him. So Paris took her back to Troy, but she was married, so her husband declared war on Troy and the rest is history."

"What does this have to do with anything?" Marley asked curiously.

Eris smiled. "I see you are on a quest. Looking for a certain someone can be tough with nothing to go on. Perhaps if you did me a favor, I could assist you."

"What do you want?" I heard myself ask. I wished I hadn't. Her cruel eyes swiveled in my direction.

"Zeus punished me for stirring up all that trouble on top of a few other minor misdemeanors."

"You call the Trojan War a misdemeanor?" Marley asked incredulously.

Eris scowled. "If you will let me finish?" When nobody said anything, she pressed on. "Zeus sentenced me to one millennia of serving mortals. He also confiscated my golden apple. Find it, and return it to me. If you succeed, I'll give you a clue."

"And where exactly would we find it?" Will asked.

"Where else? It's shiny, and it inflates her head to the size of a blimp. Aphrodite has it." I really did try to stifle my laughter. Alas, I could not.

"We'd like a minute to discuss it, if you don't mind," Marley said.

"Of course," the goddess replied. "I'll be back with your check."

"One question!" We all looked to Piper, who looked confused. "Why did you ask us if we were insane?"

Eris smiled, like she thought it was amusing. "Five demigods traveling together isn't very wise. I'm sure the monsters can smell you from miles away."

"Why would you care about that?"

"You blew up the last place I worked. I'd appreciate it if demigods did not blow up the location of my personal Tartarus every other week. Marley and Nico looked sheepish. Piper just nodded, like she finally understood a complex math problem.

As soon as she left, Piper immediately said, "I'm in."

"I don't trust her," Nico said, rubbing his temples. "She stirs up all kinds of trouble. It's a trap and a detour we can't afford to take."

"We have no other leads, though," Piper argued, looking serious for once. "I have no idea where they are. Probably somewhere in the north. I only know what the inside looks like. But I don't know how much time we have." When we all stared at her, she seemed to realize something.

"Piper, is there something you want to tell us?" Nico asked slowly.

"Um…" Piper looked to Marley, who nodded. "Sort of."

"Go on," Marley encouraged.

"Well, Jack Frost captured Jill. And he took her to his palace, thinking it was me, and then he realized it wasn't me. And he was complaining to some woman, who thought it was really funny and told him he should stop kidnapping girls. And then he told her to shut and that he will have me for his bride, and that was really creepy, and I woke up."

Nico cursed in Ancient Greek, and Marley looked grim. Will looked like he was ready to slap someone upside the head.

"Jack Frost?" I asked, unable to say anything else. Somebody wanted to take Piper away. That was like taking Pluto from the solar system, or the marshmallows out of Lucky Charms, or splitting up Spongebob and Patrick. You just don't do it!

"Well, I'm sure Jack Frost was based off of this guy. He looked like an evil Dumbledore with a frozen beard. But that's not the point. He's going to realize he doesn't need to keep Jill around pretty soon, and I don't know if he'll kill her or not. That's why we need to take the detour. We need that clue."

"We can't all go," Will argued. "If we don't have a lot of time, like you said, then shouldn't we split up? Some of us can scout ahead, try to go north like the prophecy said, and the rest can go find the apple, bring it back, get the clue and tell it through Iris-Messaging. Then they can catch up."

"Who's going where, then?" Nico asked.

"I'll go after the apple," Piper said. She looked at me, willing me with her telekinetic powers to say I'd go with her. So, like the good minion that I am, I did.

"I need to go North," Will said. "I need to get to Jill first."

"I'll go with you," Nico told him, then glanced at Marley. "I don't trust you with those two." He pointed at Piper and I. How rude. "You're coming with me." Marley rolled her eyes but agreed. It was a shame that they were not together yet. Piper and I would have to plot.

Eris took that moment to show up to our table. "Well? What did you decide?"

"We accept," Will told her.

"Your meals are on the house. Try the mall."

**Blurgh. That was terrible. But it's there. I don't feel like writing up a big, ranting AN right now, so I'll just leave it up to you to do what fanfictioners do at the end of chapters.**

**REVIEW!**

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	15. Note of Shame

***Taps microphone timidly* Ahem. So, hello. If I just spammed your email inbox and you have no idea which fanfiction this is… well, it's been a while. Like, a little over nine months. And while you probably do not care any more about what happens to the lovely characters of this story, I would like to announce that I'm going to be rewriting Oh, the Madness and Oh, the Irony. Because let's face it: They are both kind of really suckish. **

**I will be leaving Oh, the Madness up on my profile until I have completely rewritten that particular story, and depending on when I get around to finishing it, I will try reallyreallyreallyreally hard to update at least once a week. Oh, the Irony will be taken down when the new and improved Oh, the Madness is posted, and chapters will be updated at least once every two weeks, if I can manage. **

**These changes will not be in effect right away, if by any chance you DO remember me. You will recall my updating habits are not so organized, to say the least. Just thought I would share this information with you before you get reallyreallyreallyreally confused when the plot no longer makes any sense whatsoever.**

**Also, I apologize if you do remember this story, got reallyreallyreallyreally excited when you saw that I had updated, and then realized it was only the bane of your existence, the dreaded author's note. :/ Me sorry.**

**Sincerely,**

_**Calliope Muse; Reader, Writer, Arachnophobic, Diabetic, Diet Coke Addict**_


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